Thanks for the Easter package mum! I got it on Saturday afternoon after I had already emailed you/sent letters. And thank you Emma and Kristen also! You guys are the best :)
Our Elders left this week so now we've been transitioning into Visitor's Center (VC) training with just us girls. Funsies. I do miss the male-female dynamic. BUT I have been enjoying the girls in my room even more. On Easter we had Sacrament meeting in the big devotional room/gym. Have you ever been in a meeting where the Sacrament was passed to 3000 missionaries? It's kind of a big deal.
Sheri Dew was our Sunday night devotional and it was the best! And not just because it's Sheri Dew. I'm starting to get more and more annoyed at people putting stock in someone's church ranking/celebrity. It's not a thing. I've heard just as good devotionals from BYU professors as any random general authority.
The MTC is a weird place. I really isn't as awful as everyone makes it out to be. And yet I need to get the freak out of here. The testimony building experiences come fast and furious. Our branch president said on our first day here to prepare for our testimony to grow as much in five days as it has in the last 10 years. I feel like I've grown my testimony a lot in the last 10 years, so I don't know if that's the most accurate way to phrase that. Plus once you have a foundational testimony, the growth of it is largely just gaining a deeper understanding of what you already know, or supposedly thought you knew. But I have really gained some important understandings, so honestly it's been totally worth it. Sometimes you just need to be forced to come face to face with what you actually believe in order to grow and understand more.
We went to Temple Square on Wednesday and we are going again today, right after this. It was a weirdly good experience and I will tell you why. The sisters who were touring us were these cute foreign sisters, so sincere in their efforts, trying to get us to grow our testimonies. But it wasn't my style at all. I hate those kinds of questions. "Why do you feel it is important to go to church?" "What are you feeling right now?" Cynicism, that's what. This movie about families? I see what you're doing here, with the music and the tear jerking scenes and the carefully worded "natural family" dialogue. I was feeling very skeptical and out of place, seeing as others were talking about how much they felt the Spirit during xyz. You know what? Maybe I did feel the spirit, in spite of all of their obvious efforts to make me feel so. But teen/present day Rachel is turned off by those leading questions.
SO of course during this I'm feeling very cynical and trying not to feel bad about my inherent cynicism. In these situations, I'm really not being negative, it's just how I see things. I literally can't not see the rhetorical strategies. And as I'm sitting there while this man is talking all about how wonderful it is to be a VC sister and aren't we more excited now that we've seen our job in action? (No, I knew what I was getting into from the start. I knew why I was less than thrilled at my call from the beginning) I really felt this very wonderful feeling of assurance that I am going to be not only fine but exactly what is needed just the way I am. I've kind of known that all along but it was definitely Heavenly Father talking to me. As I've been here in the MTC, I've learned much more about how to be in tune with how the Spirit already works within me and I can tell so much more now when God is talking to me. It really just took a few mental breakthroughs and realizations.
The funny/great thing too is that I was explaining all my real-talk feelings to Sis. Madi Holt about our experience and how I wasn't overly thrilled with the actual presentations given by the VC sisters and she is totally the same. We think different things but our feelings are the same. She has been a really great companion. And things have just gotten better over time. I've been open with her about all of my real feelings (which are very real and not sweet, per se) from the beginning and she has been right there with me. And we have so much fun together, too. We laugh a lot, which is nice.
I've learned here a lot that when I ask my real questions other people really do feel the same way, even if they didn't realize it and then when we try to answer those questions we all grow in understanding. "Why do we need to get baptized?" "What if we are doing all we can and still don't feel like we've really gotten a testimony of it?" I ask all sorts of scandalous-for-the-MTC questions that make me seem apostate and I've really been able to connect with the girls, my teachers, and most importantly Heavenly Father, as he helps me see it's ok to be me and it's ok to not know. I've never been more happy to be myself, and especially in a situation where it is becomes apparent very quickly.
Did you know being a VC sister you get to go on chat and answer people's questions on mormon.org? And everyone can use it, members, less actives, nonmembers, etc. and ask about pretty much anything. Yeah, we're going to try and bring you closer to Christ while answering your question, but it's a useful tool for any random thing. We also answer people's emails. We are just getting started learning about this so I haven't actually done much of it yet. But it's a lot easier in some ways to describe church-y things in complete ideas on a computer than in my own trail off-y sentences. And my computer addiction is satisfied. Plus we get to watch Mormon messages and explore church websites while we wait for people to come on chat. Aww yeeah.
Ok, love you guys. I've got more to say I'm sure, but whatever. I'm leaving Wednesday morning. I may try and call home earlyish in the morning, I don't really know when we'll get the opportunity. If I don't catch anyone, oh well. It's really not a huge deal, I don't even know what I have to say. Sorry I'm struggling responding to letters and not only talking about myself but about what you've written me also (Holly). I'm really trying and I really appreciate the letters. I think I just talk to you in my head and forget that you haven't actually heard it. We're supposed to be telepathic Holly, what's the deal?
Love you all (dur), Rachel
p.s. Here are some pictures!
Me and Sister Holt
Us and some of the Elders!
Me and Victor! (Elder Favero)
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