My first week in Nauvoo. . . it's definitely been a peaks and valleys kind of week.
This week has been a lot of doing not very much. My companion and I have had a 9-5 shift in the different historic houses each day with about 4 people or groups of people coming in for the whole day. So it's a lot of sitting around and losing and trying to regain motivation.
My companion Sister Petricek is very very interesting. I have never met anyone like her before. She has a strong personality and she's told me how she's grown on her mission. She used to lose her temper a lot, she is trying to learn how not to judge people, she's had an interesting life. She is quite a story teller and the seniors love her but she kind of leaves no room for anyone else to really talk. She lives in a world much much different than mine. Kind of like those people you see on facebook and you're like, ok, I know we've shared life circumstances before but how are you getting to the conclusions that you are getting to? She is trying really hard to make sure I'm comfortable though and that she isn't bossy. And she likes me tons. She says I'm the first companion that hasn't annoyed her/gotten on her last nerve (besides one other).
So things there could be better but they could be worse. Sometimes it feels like we go to two different churches. In fact, I've been feeling lately that in being on a mission, I've somehow joined some weird offshoot of the church. How did I get here? I wanted to spread the gospel of that other church, not the one that is really weird about rules. And I knew the rules before. Anyways, I'm working on feeling normal and luckily I feel the Spirit enough on my own. I'm just trying to find the motivation I had before to actually be here despite the hard things that come with a mission.
Anyways though, I share a room in the basement with Sister Hayley Newell and her companion Sister Gardner. Luckily Sister P and Sister Gardner are way good friends (and I like Sister Gardner, so that's good, and she's nice to me) and I love Sister Newell. She's hands down one of the best people I know. She is one of the best listeners I've ever met. She thinks everything I have to say is interesting. I don't even know exactly how she does it, but I realized that I've been better able to truly understand Christ through her. We always talk at night--you know, like girls do--and I didn't realize it at first, but every time after I talk with her I feel happy, uplifted, full of the spirit of love and gratitude. I feelings that I try to get all day and work hard at on my own, and then without even trying, she somehow allows me to be excited for life again. She's just like the purest, most non-judgmental person I've ever dealt with who also strives to understand me and those around her and thinks differences are interesting and impressive. PS when I say stuff like "person I've ever known" family is obviously excluded out of this.
The other girls in the house are really great too. I wouldn't mind being companions with most of them. Things are really slow right now and we are training, so we are with our companions a lot (and doing nothing, in a scheduled manner) but I have been told that things get crazy around here, and the young performing missionaries arrive in a few weeks and shows start to happen so I won't always be with my companion--only during companion study, I guess. And night time, maybe. So honestly things are good. I am perfectly fine. I just don't feel satisfied, I guess. Or motivated for a greater cause with a greater purpose. But once I start actually interacting with people it will be ok.
And I think maybe I was missing the boat in some ways by not being around girls because girls love me. They think I'm funny, they think I'm way pretty and stylish, they love my personality. Boys are nice and they like me too, but they don't really say it, and I figure I'm just a tolerable person to hang around that can converse with them easily. Girls say it all the time.
Again, it's peaks and valleys. I even now just talked myself out of a valley in this email, as you can tell. I have been learning how to pray a lot and rely on Heavenly Father to help me self-motivate. And to figure things out and not reach the depths of despair in my mental workings. And as I get more used to being here, I will figure out how to control/understand my emotions more and and take things on a more realistic scale.
Mom: Thank you so much for the emails. You can email me but I also have more time for letters, so I'd appreciate the bulk of stuff to be in letter form. I read somewhere that you can fax, so maybe that would be extremely convenient. I have to pay 10 cents a page, but it's worth it. Maybe you can call the Mission secretary and ask her about it. I will ask today too, but I won't be able to email you until next week about that.
Holly: You should be getting good at editing and such - aren't you like the propaganda chair on BYUSA? (Actually, I forget what position you are in, so let me know.)
Family: I didn't get any letters from you yet (besides your email, Mom and Colin) so Holly, I don't know if you sent something to me, but you may want to try the fax thing too. I will respond to it later. I can only write letters on P-day, so just so you know. But I can read letters anytime. So maybe if you sent something to me in the mail, I could read it and think about it as I write you back, versus trying to remember from the email. The letter writing thing will take some forethought because I would like to get them by my p-day so I can write you back on that day, so maybe send it by friday or Saturday. Maybe Monday.
Colin: I will write you a real letter, but YAY!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU AND IMPRESSED ABOUT THE ASB THING (even though we don't know if you won, or whatever, not that winning is necessary). What family am I living in? I feel like I am easily the least successful person. Definitely the least productive.
Ok, love you all. This is all I can think of to say.
Love, Rachel
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