Meanwhile in the MTC...

Hey family!

Another event/non-event filled week here at the MTC!  I keep trying to write letters but a) I don't have enough time and b)I'll start writing one, look back a day later and realize how irrelevant what I was saying was.

It's been a hard adjustment, but I feel like my emotions have finally evened out and now I'm not in such a weird, emotionally volatile place. My relationship with Sister Holt continues to get better as we continue to get more real with each other.  Girls often do this funny thing where they're overly polite in the beginning and don't show lots of parts of their real personality because they're aren't sure how it will be taken (add that to the fact that we're supposed to be these righteous sister missionaries, or something) but I think our apartment/dorm (with the six of us) is getting over that and just starting to enjoy each other in a real way more. 

We've had multiple "investigator" experiences so far here.  We have Scott, who is our teacher Brother Craft pretending to be someone else and helping us learn different things. That has been frustrating but admittedly also helpful.  Scott never really has anything to say and he always just wants to be better and feel the Spirit but is never sure if he really is.  Combine that with the fact that he doesn't talk about how and he feels and we (Sis. Holt and I) struggle.

We have also met with Sara(h?) twice this week and that was really more of what I was expecting out of an investigator as far as difficulty and real-ness is concerned.   She had so many questions and it's hard to actually teach something while trying to address specific concerns and not get too complicated.  I knew that would be one of my problems all along.  We totally thought she was a member who was acting but then after our second meeting she was like, "Oh can I redo your make up? I think you would look better with brown eye liner" or something along those lines and we were just talking and she's not a member at all.  She's held a firm stance with her Greek orthodox in laws that she's not religious, but she comes and volunteers at the MTC "for my own reasons" and I don't blame her.  Even when the missionaries botch it (as I'm sure we always do) the Spirit can be way strong.  In fact, I was telling her about Jesus Christ and how he atoned for our sorrows as well and she started crying a little.  I feel like this story is not being explained in the way I would like it to be, because it was pretty legit and real.  Sarah even gave me her own clinique eye liner afterwards, and Sister Holt shared a really intense personal story about how her family used the Atonement in real life and it still puts me in awe. 

It's weird how I feel like I've lived a million lifetimes here.  And the fact that I've learned things that I had no idea I would learn.  I always thought "teaching with the Spirit" meant that you knew what you were going to say, prayed about it, and lived righteously and then if you needed to say other things, you would.  Psych!  It's actually a great deal trickier and not so vague seeming.  It's all about hardcore focusing on exactly what the investigator is saying in that moment while at the same time keeping in mind your goal for them, or where you see them going spiritually and how you can help them to get there themself (which is dang hard).  I mean, you can know all the gospel lessons and be a way spiritual and still be extremely ineffective. It's obvious to me now, but I really didn't think we'd be learning the deep psychology behind trying to get an investigator to exercise faith while with you and without you, and be able to experience things on their own.  No wonder people feel like inadequate missionaries.  The psychology behind the teaching method is totally play-by-ear but is also extremely important in the planning phase as well.  It feels like a lot of responsibility.  

BUT honestly there is so much power in being a missionary.  And I can feel it.  I can totally see how it's going to suck to not be one anymore.  As weird as it is to be called Sister Ross, I love the name tag.  I love the power that comes with being a representative of Jesus Christ.  The responsibility is a lot of pressure but I really do feel the power in my bones.  The Spirit that comes with teaching is mind blowing.  Even when we practice with each other just "pretending" we've all been amazed at times.  And it's also very powerful to me that we feel so connected to those friends or relatives of ours with real life concerns that we pretend to be in teaching that we are moved to tears just feeling the Spirit tell us that their concerns can be resolved.  

I'm disappointed with this email.  There's too much for me to say and I don't have the right way to say it.  #storyofmymissionarylife

Oh well, by 18 months I'm sure I can communicate something effectively.

Pictures to come, hopefully!

Love,

Sister Rachel Ross

PS the song Ai Se Achu (?) Pego is constantly in my head.  Can someone write me the lyrics so I can actually have it right?

PPS The elders in my class/district are leaving on Tuesday to their mission in Montana! :'(  And then we start our visitor's center training and also I get a call home at the airport.  That will be on not this Wednesday but the next.