When things are good, they are very very good, and when they are bad they are horrid.

Hey Family, 

Sorry I don't have many missionary stories to tell. I've never been a good story teller, and I feel like a liar telling stories anyways because everyone knows a "good story" is largely way more entertaining and even really story worthy after the fact, and in the moment, it's whatever. All the good, in the moment happenings make for uninteresting stories to tell. 

To be honest, I felt like the spiritual moments were more poignant in Nauvoo. Maybe more nuanced, but they felt more. . .effective? Influential? 

We've finished a transfer already. And Sister Reynolds and I are staying together in Greenbrier which is for the best, as we are on the brink of accomplishing some good things, but have yet to see a lot of results. We have yet to be able to meet with Kevin again. We set up some appointments but he hasn't been home. This has happened a lot with us.

We've been working with a 17 year old girl whose younger brothers got baptized somewhat recently but are now inactive. She is super sweet but their family is going through hard times--the single mom's only way to work, the car, broke down--and the mood is just super depressed whenever we go there. There's no hope there, and it's hard to know how to instill hope--that God is there, that He answers prayers--without there being any faith. And of course the family has trouble having faith because times are so hard. I guess that's the thing about faith. Sometimes you just have to act without really believing or having hope. A desire is really all it takes. But try to convey that to others--"You just need a desire! Oh, you don't have a desire . . .? Well, then you have to get one."  Hence, if your heart is soft, opposition in all things takes its role eventually, and your desire will grow. 

I had a very good prayer experience the other day. Some of the best experiences are prayer experiences, let me tell you. I was feeling awful and very in need of direction (I think that's one of my big problems these days--sensory overload. Too many weaknesses/problems/confusion in too many directions. I don't know where to start or what the core of my problem is, or how to approach it. What do I really need to improve on? Charity, humility, faith, gratitude, etc? Well, I've prayed for all of them--I don't know what else to do.) Anyways, so I pretty much started my prayer off asking for things because I just felt the need for so much direction. I realized, that later in life/eternity, I"ll probably be embarrassed at how whiny my prayers were, so I decided to just pray for things I was grateful for, even though I didn't want to. And soon enough, Heavenly Father gave me things to be thankful for that came to mind that made me feel happy. It doesn't happen all the time like that. But I'm taking the little things, and I've realized that I have enough faith and I just need to wait on the Lord's timing now. It's always worked out for me in the past. 

But you know, when things seem bad, it feels like they've always been bad. And vice versa. 

Ok, love you!

Love, Rachel

Welcome to the real world...

Hey fam,

P-day really is the worst day to write. I get in a weird place and can't accurately asses the situation. But oh well, it's the day alloted. 

Sister Reynolds and I have been working on talking to people more. It's something I knew we were lacking in all along, but we were able to get the mentality where we have actually internalized it and can find it doable. It feels good to talk to strangers about the gospel, actually. I find it quite enjoyable. 

We're still trying to find people to teach, which I guess every missionary is. You just feel like a failure when you can't find anybody. Really, I prefer the seed planting business because then there's no way to truly hold yourself to high expectations that are out of your control anyway (ie the agency of others). As compared to how you do when you are the only way people are going to get baptized in the area where you are, and if you aren't having any baptisms, well then that means that no one is getting baptized.  It's a tough psychological game that is exhausting. And then you questions yourself: how much is in my control? Am I not seeing success because I'm missing some key component that I somehow overlooked? Are my expectations too high? Are they not high enough? 

Anyways. We made a lot of appointments that fell through this week. (Also, the word "appointment" is quite a fancy/misleading word). So we knocked doors and talked to people. It seems like there are so many people who are almost ready, they have that interest, they're looking for something, and yet, it's not going to happen for them. At least not in the next while. And I can know this because if they were going to accept the gospel, it would be through us  because they are in our area. That's the rough part. Missionaries know how the story ends. Everyone has nice missionary work, seed planting stories. Do they ever turn into anything? Who knows.  I mean, it's the good part too. Missionaries see how the story ends. So when it ends well, that's obviously quite joyous. It's just disappointing to see so many dashed hopes. I guess I had too high of expectations for humanity? I thought more people would recognize the truth when they heard it?

Sorry, I hate to be a debbie downer. But that's the real world, yo. Also, it's the p-day funk.

Really though. I'm sure something good will happen in our area soon. It's bound to. I just don't know what I can do to get it there. Besides be the perfect missionary, which I am not.  

I'm searching for something uplifting. . . 

Well, we talked to this presh master named Kevin and he might be the elect. He had to cancel the appointment we made with him to visit his cousin/grandma? but we're meeting with him again tonight (hopefully) and if it goes well, then he'll totally be the elect. If it doesn't go well, well I don't want my tiny heart to be broken. . .so I'm trying not to pin all my hopes on dreams on this kid. Although he's too precious to not get baptized. 

Ok, I love you guys! 

Love, Rachel

Bike Week has been survived.

This week has been a good one. I am really appreciating Sister Reynolds these days. She's my first truly sassy companion, and I forgot what that was like (well....SP was a little sassy. ..:). She kind of reminds me of Gordy, to be honest. I can just say whatever ridiculous opinion I want and she'll just throw it back, and say something like (all the syllables exaggerated), "Sister Ross, you are so weird, how do you survive?" (if, for example, I don't like tootsie rolls) and I do the same to her. It's actually very enjoyable. If that makes sense.. . It's hard to get across.

 

The weather, aside from this very moment, when it's rainy and cold, has been relatively fantastic. I've barely started to need a coat.

 

We made it through the weeks on bike/foot. Slash, it is extremely unrealistic to not have a car here. It took us an hour to walk 2 miles at a decent pace, and we had to walk through somewhat rough (lots of bugs) terrain because there are no sidewalks here. And that was one of our closest people. Forget about hoping there are other people we could have made appointments with that lived near that home.

 

Being a missionary is the funniest thing. Honestly. If people even knew the types of people who were on missions--ie Sister Reynolds, they would so know the church is true. I see people eye us and probably they think we're religious weirdies, as makes sense. Let me tell you, Sister Reynolds is not that type. Yes, she has a strong testimony, but she ain't nobody's fool. She made fun of me for trick or treating after elementary school age. And for putting my laundry in a plastic bag ("You're just so at poverty's door that you can't afford the dollar ones at Wal Mart!" she mocks).

 

I miss the temple greatly. I will never ever not live somewhere within an hour of the temple. And I will go every week. Not having the temple has really made me appreciate taking the Sacrament because at least I have some covenants I can renew weekly. I never understood the importance of covenants before my mission (on account of going to the temple weekly in Nauvoo), and I can't fully explain it now, but they mean everything to me. And some people just don't get it. That's why they don't attend church. These are promises you are making to God. It's like the sweetest contract ever signed. In which you promise to do stuff (like mourn with those who mourn. .. oh man, so rough to try to love other people!) and God promises slash then is able to bless you beyond your own deserving. And those things you promise to do, like stand as a witness of God at all times, or live a consecrated life, bless you anyways, not to mention the other promised blessings. Really, it's a win-win-win situation.

 

And it's eternal perspective. Life is so much more then just living for the next temporary gain. These blessings are eternal. For you and your family.

 

Sorry, just a spheel I went off on.

 

Anyways, I'm psyched to go to the temple again, eventually. At least in April.

 

Love you!

 

Rachel

CSI: Arkansas--It's a thing

Fam bam, 

I am better these days. Sister Reynolds has a funny, sassy personality. She's reserved in the beginning, but everyone has to try to figure out how their personality fits in with being a missionary, and she worries a lot about offending people or being judged.

I am less discouraged but still wondering what "missionary work" looks like and feeling like I could potentially be doing it all wrong. . .? 

We don't have too many investigators right now. We're really trying to find some but that's easier said than done. And it's really all on the Lord's timing anyways, right?  

Arkansas is a crazy place. We received a referral for a home out in the back woods (there a lot of homes/trailers out in the back woods. . .people that don't want to be around other people, a lot of the  time). They had a dog the size of a lion guarding their house. No exaggeration. Along with some shetland ponies and other random animals. We couldn't get out of the car very far to knock on the door on account of the lion-dog but we've been several times and nobody's seemed to be home. Typical. Typical.

I've come up with a great idea, by the way. It's called CSI: Arkansas. There would only be too much material to work with. But probably the crimes wouldn't be legitimate enough. 

We have been able to talk with a lot of less actives though. So many have a testimony, know it's all true, and yet, don't go to church. I really don't get it. That mentality in and of itself is pretty discouraging since I'm not used to it but we've had some good spiritual moments and just hope to give them a glimpse of that gospel light, and renew their desire to come to church. 

This upcoming week is bike week. We're on a car share with 3 other sets of missionaries. We fortunately get a car 3 out of 4 weeks, but this week might kill us. I have no qualms whatsoever with riding a bike. But the only way to get anywhere here in Greenbrier is on the highway. On which we can't ride our bikes. So we're really depending on the members to cart us around. . .to go find people? I'm not really sure how it's going to work. 

Ok, I love you all!

Love, Rachel

I'm definitely in Arkansas.

Hi family! 

Well I'm definitely in Arkansas. 

My companion is Sister (Mallory--for Holly's fb stalking purposes) Reynolds, and we are opening up a new area (for sisters). Our area is called Choctaw (The Choctaw ward) and we live in a town called Greenbriar. It has been quite the experience. This is my companions third transfer (almost 4 months--she just finished training) and she's totally obedient and ready to work, so that's quite a plus. Not a crazy, which is good. 

We are sharing our area with Elders, who have been very great, very helpful at giving us referrals, telling us about people to go to, etc.  I guess the ward we are in has been looking forward to getting sisters for months. There are a lot of people that are much easier for us to visit (on account of the extra needed person of the same gender as the missionaries rule) and the young women I guess have just been so enthusiastic about missionary work in general and getting sisters. I thought the utter adoration of sister missionaries would end when we left Nauvoo but this ward is very supportive of us. 

There are a ton of less actives and recent converts and part member families for us to visit. Almost all of the recent converts no longer come to church.  We were able to find a less active 15 year old girl who had gotten baptized last year as we were trying to find another recent convert less active. She was such a sweet girl, and it was clear that she had felt the spirit while being taught, but did not truly understand the tenets of the gospel. We are going to try and teach her and her non-member family.  

Like I was saying, there are some great supportive and very missionary minded members here, which really helps. They are truly consecrated--ready to give of their time and resources (including just letting us teach in their house or business whenever we want). 

I don't really know how to describe the socioeconomic status here. We've visited a lot of trailers and tiny apartments. And there is just stuff all over people's yards here. Not everyone's of course. And there are just groups of dogs that kind of run around and follow you as you try to back your companion out of the drive way/road. I already have some teeth marks in my orange skirt (it was a friendly pulling of the skirt, not anything vicious).

People here are really into Jesus. I kind of don't really understand their fervor. I mean, the Atonement is central to God's plan but the way they talk about HIm just confuses me. I think they--they being a very generalizing term; just the people I've talked with so far for the most part--kind of lump everything spiritual or religious into just being about having Jesus in your heart.  I think it will be cool to build my own testimony of the Savior by seeing the beliefs out there and having to really hone in on my own. 

I love missionary work. I love knocking on people's doors and having an honest moment for the first time in society's life. It's fantastic-ly real. Although we don't do too much tracting here, at least we haven't done too much so far. And in this mission, we call it "spiritual harvesting" ha ha 

We only go to doors we feel prompted to. And sometimes we offer to say a prayer of peace and blessing over the home (where am I?) and people here are cool with it because they love Jesus. It's nice though because as weirded out as I would be if someone came to my door and offered to pray, it does bring the Spirit, and helps them see that we are just Jesus followers like them and not of the devil. And then maybe their hearts are softened and they'll listen to our message? 

There aren't too many black people in this specific area, by the way. #don'ttellmesegregationisn'tathing 

Ok, I love you! I think I've covered most everything important. 

Love, Rachel

International Love

Hi Family!

I was given a shorter time to email today before the big departure on Tuesday. We have had little to do besides pack and watch conference, so you can imagine the weekend long party that has ensued. Was conference yesterday not the best conference of all time? Of all time?? Conference this morning was good too, but I started to lose it around Richard G. Scott's talk (I'm sure it will be fantastic upon re-reading) and also I had to go the bathroom unbearably during Eyring and Oaks. But I'm sure it was all very good. 

I was able to have my last golden visitor center moment on Friday.  I called a man in Sweden who, by all means, I should not have been able to talk with.  The only time I was able to call him was at 10pm his time. I don't speak Swedish. People never pick up their phones. But when it's in God's plan, it happens despite the seeming impossibilities.  The man was a golden convert of the guy who referred him to us but has become less active. He feels lonely in life, struggling with a "bad habit" (euphemism for addiction?), and doesn't seem to understand his purpose. He wants to settle down and get married to a good girl but he feels like he needs to travel the world first. He seemed to think that going backpacking around the world is the elusive golden ticket to his finding his place on this earth. Quite conveniently, I was able to tell him about my backpacking through Europe, or the American Dream.  It was fun and I had a good experience but in the end, when I realized that I had accomplished that thing that everybody wants to do, I didn't feel very fulfilled at all. I told him I have just as much fun doing nothing staying up late with my sister. Listen mister, if it's a soul searching journey you want, well, you're already on one. See: The Plan of Salvation. And http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2013/03/your-wonderful-journey-home?lang=eng&query= and http://www.mormonchannel.org/our-heavenly-fathers-plan (Really, watch these links...those videos are better than expected, that's for sure).

I'm so grateful for the chance I have to talk to people in Sweden. And to see how much the Gospel is needed by everyone, even those who already "know" it. He said to me, "It's 10:30 on a Friday night in Sweden. I'm about to go clubbing by myself. I'm lonely." Even though I heard him say hi to friends while he was presumably walking down the street while talking to me, he's missing something. That kind of lifestyle is empty no matter how many friends you have. And even if you have the Gospel, if you are focused on other things, you will feel empty as well. I've felt it before. It's very easy to get distracted and search for things you think you want, as well-intentioned as they are. That's why we always have to study the scriptures sincerely, and for a decent amount of time, which I had a rough time doing right before the mish. 

Well, I love you! I'm excited for AR! 

Love, Rachel

This is not a real letter.

I really wish I had something inspiring to talk about. I (think) I am learning many spiritual lessons, but they're in progress, so I have nothing to really properly analyze for you. So, actually, there will be no email this week. This non-email is it. 

Some details. Leaving next Tuesday, the 8th. Don't know when my next preparation day will be. 

This is my new address:

Arkansas Little Rock Mission

905 Kierre Dr.

North Little Rock AR 72116

H-dog, you can update the fb. Also, it might change depending on my specific location, but you can always send stuff to the mission home.

Ok, love you! 

--Rachel

Think of my call to Nauvoo. Thing of my history of ironic mission call(s). Now guess where I'm going...

You may be thinking West Virginia. You'd be wrong. Because you forgot the place that one ups West Virginia in irony. And that place is Little Rock, Arkansas. 

I am not joking. My new mission call is to Little Rock, Arkansas. LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS. Emphasis on the Arkansas.  It may take you a few hours to wrap your mind around, but don't worry, slowly you will grow in excitement for the mission adventure that you are about to experience. . .I mean, that I will experience. 

To be honest, I am very excited. If Heavenly Father put me in, say, New York City, Washington DC, London (I had a fantasy), the West, that would make sense, that would be something that would (in theory) just naturally fit. So I feel honored and impressed with my future self that the place I'm supposed to be is Arkansas. Really, it opens up a whole new dimension of self. Also, something that I consoled myself with, before I got the call, is that some of the most upstanding and qualified (and attractive. . .not that I care. . . wait, yes I do) missionaries get sent to such seemingly random places. I know, Holly, that you are well aware of this. So that's the theory, anyway, that I will stick with until proven wrong. 

The first things that I think of/images that come to mind when I think of Arkansas (that I didn't realize were what was in my mind):

• a bunch of gravel. Just, the whole place filled with grey gravel. (I have been informed that this is not what Arkansas looks like.)
• Ruby Bridges, desegregation (when I thought of this, I became excited on account of the black people, and the civil rights movement)
• And, I was reminded: Home of Walmart. I have mixed feelings about this, of course. But at least I will always have a Walmart nearby.  

I am very excited, and soon, you will be too, family. I know Holly and Colin are already excited. Daddy, you are laughing. Mom, you might need some time.

One a separate note. There's this big lawyer, reenactment thing that goes on in Illinois sometimes where they reenact old trials in modern days. Well this year it's Joseph Smith's extradition trials. It's a big deal, I guess. And they had this whole thing go on in Nauvoo yesterday, so Elder Oaks gave a speech thing and there were all these lawyers and fancy people, and we got to attend. I shook Elder Oaks hand again. It felt like it did the last time. 

A man also introduced himself, saying, "Hi, I'm Gary Herbert," like I'm supposed to know him in some way.  Well, I was racking my brain, thinking of all the political posters I saw in Provo, wondering if he ran for anything. I said, "Nice to meet you," with probably a look of confusion and suspicion. It was a terrible first impression for, who turned out to be, the governor of Utah. Oh well. I can't win the hearts of all the important people. 

Also, we got to run around bringing out trays of food, and it was ridiculous, and so fun. Who would have thought I would have used my tiny catering skills on my mission? 

Ok, I love you! Also please tell me the climate of Arkansas (Dad). 

Love, Rachel

Every week can't be thrilling, I guess.

Hello Family,

I can't even lie, I don't know what to say about this week. Elder Robert Gaye of the Seventy came and gave us a fireside on Sunday, a training on Tuesday morning with all the seniors, and then a special training with just the young sisters. He's a good story teller. I thought about that as I contemplated my own aspirations for the General Relief Society presidency. I'm not a big story teller. Not a fan of repeating myself, as it makes me feel disingenuous. But some people can do it, and indeed, need to do it. So I had to rethink whether I really want to be the General Relief Society president. 

Yes, I am now fessing up my most embarrassing ambition (and yes, I know it's a calling--all the more ridiculous) because there is nothing else to say. I think when I get to a place where there isn't much to do--and I'm doing all I can but it still doesn't seem like much--I start to get ridiculous and semi-unhealthy goals. So of course, I picked to want to attain the position of the most visible, spiritual female leader that I know of, so that I can set the bar at a level that has no limits except my unrelenting imagination of what I suppose the expectations to be--in which case, the bar is set to level perfection. Not that I'm a "perfectionist" (usually). I'm smarter than being like that. ha ha 

Anyways. We get our outbound calls this Sunday and then maybe I'll be more excited. I've been rocked into the Nauvoo cacoon (some have referred to it as the Garden of Eden.  . .) and accept non-progression now (although, just kidding. See: above). What's so great about real-life situations anyway, eh? 

No, but for real, I am so grateful for the Plan of Salvation. 

This about sums up everything:  

2 Nephi 2

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.

 23 And they would have had no ^achildren; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no ^bjoy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no ^csin.

 24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who ^aknoweth all things.

 25 ^aAdam ^bfell that men might be; and men ^care, that they might have ^djoy.

The Book of Mormon makes so much sense, I can hardly bare it. That is, bare people not understanding concepts of justice and mercy, agency, happiness, faith, etc. that are explained within its pages. Really. It hurts me for people to not know.

Also, here's a great Mormon message about the Book of Mormon: http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=1256696369001 or this link http://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages#a-book-of-mormon-story

Do I like this just because I'm a missionary? I don't think so . . . right?

Ok, wish me luck on my second call. I love you! 

Love, Rachel

Not being stuck in the Doldrums

Hi Family, 

I don't have much time this week on account of I got a lot of emails from people who aren't family for the first time and it was great. I'm basking in the love. It's a feeling akin to being in the temple. (First time realization of that). Also, not much has happened so this will be a quickie. 

I think we all--the Nauvoo Sisters--have had a little more struggle with focus, as the work has gone down and our mission inside a mission (oh my gosh, I would have a meta mission) is coming soon. I've been praying for focus and increased desire, and Heavenly Father does answer prayers, even when I forget I've given them (because I can't focus. . . ha). I've had an increased realization and internalization of just how important it is that all of us sisters are here together, live together, and have this unique time to be together. I have felt that every sister here needs this time with such great friends for a reason, and I'm trying to utilize that time.  

We have started teaching the Seniors in role play at night. They are very sweet. I imagine that real teaching situations will be quite different. The seniors just don't quite have that sense of urgency or need that I think others will have in knowing and trying to understand the Gospel. But we get to feel the Spirit all the time, and that's quite nice. Now to carry that feeling on into the life after mission. . . er, I mean, I never think about that time. . .

Ok, I love you!

Love, 

Sister Rachel

Some Pictures

Sister Newell, Sister Ross, Sister Streeter

Sister Ross and Sister Newell together in front of the Nauvoo temple

Rachel and Sister Newell

Basement Club 2.0

Family!

My last transfer in Nauvoo for the summer. Sister Kim is my new companion!! Wooooo! Just a reminder: She is from South Korea. She went to BYU for accounting and is almost finished. She learned English at BYU and largely on her mission. She is precious. 

Our schedules have now changed. This week we have a lot of call center time scheduled--read four straight hours. But that should change pretty soon since, with so many of us having so much call time, there aren't too many cards left to call on. It really is a good experience though. I LOVE Sister Kim. LOVE HER. You should hear/see her calling people. Unbearably adorable, and fairly heartbreaking. She just oozes sweetness with every ounce of her being (not taking for granted that she does have a personality, and opinions)--how could you not say yes to anything she would say to you on the phone?? Unfortunately, a lot of people don't understand her or get confused. So she just keeps calling like a machine, and trying, even though almost every call you hear her struggling (well, the other person struggling)--"Your friend wanted you to have free gift of CD. . .It's a bad connection. I will call back." SHE HAS SO MUCH FAITH!! And you know that the pure in heart will receive her.  I mean, she goes through phone call after phone call of people not understanding, hanging up or being rude, and she is calling for them. Because she loves them as a child of God. There is literally no benefit to her in any sort of tangible, worldly way. 

Oh yeah, and the basement club is back. It's me, Sister Kim, Sister Newell and Sister Searle all down there again. I think there are great, somewhat less obvious benefits to have four people in a teeny tiny room with bunk beds. It's a great area for bonding. And the closet space is adequate, so no complaints. 

Also, this article in the Ensign impacted me greatly. http://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/09/my-prayers-of-gratitude?lang=eng I'm not one to be condescended upon, which unfortunately means that I reject a lot of well-meaning, but highly condescending advice which would undoubtedly be for my greater good but is delivered in such a way that my pride and theoretical intelligence refuse to accept it. (Such is the problem with well-intentioned but too-smart-for-their-own-good, self-appointed religion doubters; atheists, as they sometimes identify themselves. I always try to convey to them: I am you! except I know God is real and this is His church!) This is why I often miss the boat on the concept of gratitude. It is usually suggested after one pours their heart out about one's miseries and feels very vulnerable. Don't tell me to be grateful--I want real advice/sympathy, lady! (I'm not referring specifically to you Mom, by the way, so don't worry. You are very good at not being like that.) Well, this article hit me in a different way because it was quite real seeming. So I'm trying anew on the gratitude thing. Not that I ever stopped being grateful, per se. My efforts are simply renewed.

Ok, I love you all! And important: my new preparation day is on Tuesday. Holly plan your email accordingly. Which also means I probably won't be sending letters this week because they won't even get to you by Tuesday. We'll see what happens. 

Love, Rachel

"Hi! My name is Rachel. Your friend was here in Nauvoo. Did she tell you about it? No?..."

Hi Family! 

Things have slowed down here quite a bit. We do a lot of calling (to ask if people want free CDs of the Pageant music. . .which missionaries will bring by with a short message!) these days.  No big deal but Sister Newell and I are big hitters with the calling numbers.  She's a great pusher and we enjoy the friendly competition (that we created and no one else knows about), so we're pretty much the dream team.  

I've been able to learn a lot more about relying on the Spirit while calling (we call it the "Call Center" although it's really just a gaggle of computers upstairs at the VC). First of all, because it's mostly just calling people and asking them if they want the CDs, I don't feel like it is my particular area of expertise, so there isn't a ton of pride or preconceived notions about my abilities to cloud my perspective.  I follow every little prompting I have because, hey, why not? I don't know what I'm doing, and a lot of times my personality/abilities don't factor in too much. I've been able to see reasons for following the little prompting I feel every time I follow them. And I realized--why don't I rely on the Lord like this all the time? Yes, we need to act for ourselves. But still. I put way too much faith in my own skill which,frankly, is a great burden.  

Something else cool that happened: There was a referral card given from an Elder in the DesMoines Iowa mission referring his best friend.  I called his dad to get the number, but the only one he had was wrong. It seemed like all was lost.  S.Newell and I then came down from call center, where we had been for a long period of time, and there are some Elders from the Des Moines Iowa mission (the only elders we ever see are from that mission, since technically their boundaries envelop Nauvoo). We never see any of those Elders, except during Pageant season. In less than two minutes, they have the Elder who referrred the friend on the phone, and he is able to give me his friend's email.  I email the kid and within 24 hours, he has emailed back and wants missionaries to bring the CD. Coincidence? I think not!

Something that's pretty hard that we get here in Nauvoo a lot are questions like "Are you real missionaries?" or, "Man, you guys have it easy! In my mission we were street contacting for 8 hours a day," or,"Just wait til you get to proselyte. That's the best kind of missionary work," etc. It's been an exercise in patience and humility to not get snarky with these RM punks (and others) who think their mission is somehow more valuable than mine (slash sometimes I do get snarky and feel bad later. Obviously they have needs to be discerned if they feel the need to compare missions).

I always knew, but now have seen as a tabgible reality, that the Lord cares for his children at all stages of life on their path back to Him. If you helped guide them/intervened in their life to redirect them to the path, does it matter where on that path? As missionaries, our commission is to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored Gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. We all have different calls that help fulfill that commission. 

It is clear in the way that Heavenly Father directs His resources to Nauvoo that every part of our lives is important to him.  Nauvoo is a healing place--spiritual therapy of any of his children, members or not, is important to him.  He loves us enough to send huge forces of missionaries to Nauvoo just so people can talk with missionaries and work out their spiritual struggles, whether they perceive them or not. 

Anyways, the significance of Nauvoo is one I have philosophied many a time. Sometimes it's awkward/annoying to try and justify myself to guests. But when you have those important spiritual experiences, I know that it's worth it. 

Sister Newell's dad and 18 year old brother came this weekend! I got some quality time with her family as the 4th wheel. I was an excellent picture taker.  

I love you all! 

Love, Sister Rachel

The guests are few, but the party is just getting started.

Family! This week has been so full of intensity.  Heavenly Father has really amped it up for me--but luckily it's all in the focus of others.  Thank goodness I'm at least temporarily past the self-intensity stage.

A group of troubled male youths who go to a boarding school nearby came to the Visitor Center.  This is exactly what I've always wanted. Direct contact with the people who need the gospel so immediately who are working on changing.  And they're youths. 

There were two kids who were quite open to talking. They didn't seem troubled at all.  They were adorable.  They were so open, and we pretty much had the first discussion.  They were so pepared. I explained the sacredness of the temple. How in the temple we make promises/covenants and some people just aren't ready to make those. And some people wouldn't respect how sacred they are to us, and they totally understood. They were like "Yeah, you wouldn't want people making fun of something you cared about or not understanding." My heart sang.

After we had talked about a lot of facets of the church, they asked--wait for it--"but how do you know it's true?"  The million dollar question! I'm so glad you asked!! I explained how I felt the Spirit when I prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true and asked them if they ever had a feeling that was overwhelming that they didn't make up on their own, and they totally had! One of them said "love."  (Inward tears are now being shed.) They completely understood. I asked if they wanted a Book of Mormon and they said sure, but--don't get your hopes up--their leader guy said it was against school policy or something. :(  They do have a lot of Mormons who work for the school though, I guess. Not to get to missionary on you guys, but no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing, so it's all going to be ok.  

Which leads me to something else that I have come to realize.

 I gave a talk in church on prayer this Sunday.  I only had a mini-mental breakdown a few days before when I realized I had gathered oh so much personal experience material and yet had no thesis! Alas, I thought I had escaped from school, but it turns out that life is just one giant literary criticism essay.  #Englishmajorsareimportant,ok?

The essential idea addressed was to those who feel their prayers aren't being answered. Yes, we all "know" that Heavenly Father answers prayers. But when you're going through a hard time, and he doesn't seem to be answering them, things seem a lot more bleak.  I shared my experience with the temple. I had never felt that love for the temple as others always professed, and when I was endowed I continued to be confused and angsty about my lack of understanding slash testimony.  I mean, if Heavenly Father could reach me anywhere, wouldn't it be the celestial room? So why wasn't I getting anything? Well, as I continued to go week after week, I got used to the routine and the angst kind of went away replaced with a "well, this is how it is and maybe one day I'll understand better."  After a while, I was slowly growing to enjoy going to the temple (although nothing had really changed concerning my understanding) and I remember one day, I was just kind of lost in thought (non-spiritual, in particular. I think I was observing the carpet pattern) and as I kind of got out of my thought train, I realized that I had this overwhelming feeling of peace (that had snuck up on me--not all at once).

Here is the scripture I shared:

1 Kings 19:11-12

11 And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:

 12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a ^astill small ^bvoice.

The storm was in me! The earthquake was in me!

Heavenly Father could not take away my agency by forcing me to feel things that my brain just wouldn't allow.  But as the storm in me subdued, He was able to reach me.  And that is something I realized with my troubles last transfer as well.  He is always there. And I don't blame myself in many instances. But He just has to reach me in the timing that I need.  My testimony of that is so strong! And I think I've learned versions of this lessons a million times. Still working on it. 

Anyways, I love you guys! Sister Newell and I have decided to shake things up and have planned outfit themes for the day.  For example, Friday was polka dots. Saturday we were in our pioneer dresses at pioneer pastimes so the theme was pioneer children (we did braids).  Yesterday, the day of my talk, was "Dress like you are talking in General Conference" Day (Sister Newell's brilliant idea), and today is Sister Streeter Day.  We are wearing her reject clothing that she left here.

Missions are fun. Missions are hard. Missions are five million times worth it. (I am sure I will need reminding of that down the road.)

Love, Sister Rachel 

The Call.

Hello Family: 

Sad day, Sisters Zibetti, Streeter, Ripplinger, Brown and Petricek have left. Well, actually Sister Streeter will be leaving-ish on Thursday.  So now my only companion is Sister Newell.  Sweet deal, eh? Although it's a crying shame that Sister Streeter is leaving on account of she is like my best friend. 

 Guess who went tracting last week, aka door knocking? This girl! I honestly can't even believe that there are so many people out there willing to do that. I mean, it's intense.  I am so impressed that so many 18-21 year olds sign up to do this. I was paired up with Sister Petricek and then Sister Zibetti and we were in Quincy.  We knocked on this one door and this mid 20s guy (with a beautiful face although that is irrelevant) answers the door and feels awkward and doesn't know what to do.  But we bore testimony to him and gave him a Book of Mormon and I felt the spirit so strongly. I hated that the people who answered the door made me feel like a sales person since I refuse to sell anything. But I can see how the experiences you do have can be so worth it.

Yesterday I had this amazing conversation in the call center.  First of all, I thought I was calling a member to ask for a referral of their non-member friends--standard procedure. Well, it was actually an inactive that someone else had referred. I'm caught off guard of course, and am being awkward and trying to smooth things over. I bluster out some pathetic phrase like "Oh, ok. . . .well, why did you leave the church?" Luckily, the lady (maybe 30s) seems to be quite willing, and even desiring to talk about this.  She starts off with gay marriage. Great. This is potentially a can of worms. I am able to greatly sympathize with her and we ride smoothly past the issue. 

 Much of the tension inside myself this whole 47 minute conversation was trying not to sacrifice my beliefs slash confuse myself while not offending her at the same time by trying to defend/explain beliefs. She believes there are many ways to get closer to Christ and there isn't one right way, and God doesn't really care how you go about it. Yes. But no. I mean, what do you say to that kind of thing? And wait for it--this breaks my heart--she was raised in the church and married in the temple. Oh the agony!

 Immediately, I can see that I'm not equipped to handle this conversation. As I'm listening extremely intently, there is also another track in my mind that may have sounded something like me pleading "Jesus take the wheel." Or more accurately, "Heavenly Father, this conversation is going to have to be all you." Needless to say, my reliance on the Holy Ghost was heavy.     

She said she made a very conscious, not-made-lightly decision to leave the church when she decided there wasn't just one way to be close to Christ. What sparked that decision was her brother who was a hardcore meth addict.  As she explained it, the church was not his way to get close to Christ. He felt the church could not help him as he's being to do home teaching and he's just trying to make it through the hour without doing meth.  Understandable, yes? How does one go against that without arguing? Answer: You can't. I did not point out that I knew many people that have deep issues that have made it through because of the church. Nor did I try to explain the purpose and need for a restoration. Which may have been my initial reaction. 

Something I found very interesting that she said was that she can't possibly have as close of a relationship to Christ as her brother does because she never has, and never will (probably) go through the type of things that he died, and she doesn't want to have that kind of trial anyway.  The heaven/degrees of glory thing doesn't jibe with her because she feels like her brother will be at the right hand of Christ no matter what he hasn't done that Mormons think he should do.  I said I agree with her and that I believe that we will be granted where we go according to our desires. 

I was able to talk about how I've at times felt far from God, even being in the church and doing what I'm "supposed to" to feel spiritual and haven't felt that way. But, as I have recently had ingrained deeply within me through personal experience, it wasn't about the church or the doctrines.  It was about me. Yes, sometimes my fault for not making the effort, sometimes it was just the mood I was in. But as I've sacrificed certain things that would get in the way of me being close to God, my relationship has been able to grow.  Even if that sacrifice is simply making the effort to do something that doesn't seem to be working for me.  And later, I was able to briefly explain that that's why we make covenants/promises to God like baptism, or in the temple. We're showing God that we are willing to sacrifice, or do more, to be closer with Him.  

There is no possible way I would have been able to make those connections and tie in what she was saying with what she needed to hear on my own. The whole time, I had complete control of the conversation. It was, looking back, like I knew exactly how it would go, like I had written a masterful script.  Except I had no idea what I was doing and I was shaking nearly the whole time. I honestly know that in this situation, my missionary commission was fulfilled. I said the things Christ would say and did the things Christ would do if her were talking to her. Because that's the master who was leading this conversation, that's for sure. 

On my own, I would have been an awkward slash offensive apologist. Relying on the Spirit, I mostly listened, asked questions, and bore testimony of the truths she said in my own words. It was amazing that I was taught how to be a great missionary by me being guided through the Spirit. And what's more, my testimony was so strengthened.  I completely empathized and respected her beliefs, and yet the Spirit continually testified to me of the necessity of the restored gospel.  I love the church. I love that people can draw close to Christ no matter what they believe. And yet, I know this gospel is the fastest, most joy-bringing way to get to Him, and holds all of the truths we need to make it through this life.  While trials can be important and can most definitely bring us closer to God (if we have a soft heart), we do not need to be a huge sinner or have some devastating tragedy to know God. That's the beauty of the restored gospel! It's the best path to getting where you want to be and becoming the person you want to be come in this life and the life after this.

Woo hoo I'm a missionary and am trying to spread this message to the world/guests at Nauvoo.  I love you all! My next preparation day is Monday so I probably won't be writing any letters today. 

Love, Sister Rachel

(Nauvoo) On the Road again.

Hello family!

On Saturday I went to Nauvoo on the Road--remember last time I went to a school? This time, it was for some tractor fair thing (I'm still not really sure what it is) with Sister Garner and one of the new sisters, Sister Etherington. This was such a random situation that I knew I was supposed to be there for a reason.  

Mostly what we were supposed to do there was go on the old fashioned stilts and play games to attract people to our booth so they would want to visit Nauvoo.  It took me like a million hours to figure it out (the stilts), but I finally kind of could hobble a good twenty steps (that's a big deal, btw).  Meanwhile, Sister Garner and Sister Etherington are having this intense gospel conversation with this non-member couple. One thing leads to another, and the couple fills out a referral card and wants a Book of Mormon. So, stupidly enough, there are no Books of Mormon anywhere to be found.  I offer up mine (the one I've marked, that we are all reading in 85 days) and alas, it is taken. Yay for that. But now my half-marked Book of Mormon is gone. 

Well, the giving away of my Book of Mormon is not the only reason I was at Nauvoo on the Road.   There were these two guys who were college aged that seemed pretty cool.  They were excited about making rope, which said something. I enticed them to come learn how to do the stilts--it wasn't that hard. . .to entice, that is, and the three of us talked for forever.  We touched on Mormonism here and there. It wasn't like a typical VC convo, where the focus tends to be more directly religious in some way.  

They definitely didn't understand the concept of a mission.  They kept saying stuff like, "Well, it looks like you're making the best of it. . ." Ha.  I want to be here guys! It's volunteer! 

They weren't religious (Which was quite helpful in this situation, to be honest.  Sometimes "religious" people, as we all know, can be the most close minded.) They had never really met any Mormons before either.  I tried to convey how I wanted to be on a mission, and how the restored gospel of Jesus Christ gives me peace and joy and happiness and truth.  Peace in knowing the truth, that's for sure.

It wasn't a super gospel-y conversation but I really said all they could handle.  Plus, they approached me as a total friend, so it would be fairly out of place and rude seeming if I started to randomly push things on them (which is basically the antithesis of who I am).  They kept wanting to talk to me, and trying to figure out how they could see me again--you know, to hang out like friends-ish.  They seemed mighty tempted to come to the Pageant but they legit had a cousin's birthday party to go to.  They seemed pretty down with coming to Nauvoo though, soon. And theydo go to a community college in southern Iowa just an hour and a half away.  

Eventually they had to leave because they hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch and it was like 3:45pm.  It was weird because, approaching these guys as somewhat of a civilian (ha ha), I was taken out of mission mode for a second. I am quite empathetic to others' viewpoints and was realizing what a weird and seemingly strict lifestyle I live, to not be able to hang out with new friends and whatnot.  I mean, I understand all too completely why people in general--at least like that--could initially see religion as being pretty weird. 

---Hey guys, I would literally be just like you. I am just like you.  Except I have had feelings and experiences and so many other testaments of the truth that I cannot deny it.  And the more you try to learn, the more you experiment on the word of God and see the goodness for yourself, the more you can truly understand.

Alas, it's hard to describe to non-religious people. At least the ones without the desire in their hearts. It's all about desire. Member and non-member alike. God isn't going to communicate to you something you don't have the desire to hear.  Which is why it's so hard to share the gospel sometimes. Baby steps.  

Well, I was feeling pretty weird after that. I mean, it was a really good interaction, so I didn't regret it. But I was feeling very world-ish.  

--And then I was finally able to understand what people mean when they say Nauvoo has a special spirit! --

Right as we were getting back to Nauvoo I could just feel the difference. It kind of felt like being in the temple. And I am so grateful that because of the gospel I can have that feeling of the Spirit, that feeling of refuge--I guess you could say all the time, if you look for it.

The pageant is over and many of the dear sisters go home around next Tuesday. Nauvoo, once again, will be a whole other place.  We will be calling many people because of the Pageant referrals.  (PS you know if anyone wants a free cd, I can hook them up. Nonmembers, of course. . .)

Love, Sister Rachel

ps, it hit me once again how weird the Sister/Elder thing appears. It's a good thing the gospel is true, and people are needing and looking for the message, or it would be hard to get people to listen. (Oh yeah, and the spirit is the mode of conversion not the missionary--can I get a hallelujah?) Straight is the gate and narrow the way, ya know?