P-day really is the worst day to write. I get in a weird place and can't accurately asses the situation. But oh well, it's the day alloted.
Sister Reynolds and I have been working on talking to people more. It's something I knew we were lacking in all along, but we were able to get the mentality where we have actually internalized it and can find it doable. It feels good to talk to strangers about the gospel, actually. I find it quite enjoyable.
We're still trying to find people to teach, which I guess every missionary is. You just feel like a failure when you can't find anybody. Really, I prefer the seed planting business because then there's no way to truly hold yourself to high expectations that are out of your control anyway (ie the agency of others). As compared to how you do when you are the only way people are going to get baptized in the area where you are, and if you aren't having any baptisms, well then that means that no one is getting baptized. It's a tough psychological game that is exhausting. And then you questions yourself: how much is in my control? Am I not seeing success because I'm missing some key component that I somehow overlooked? Are my expectations too high? Are they not high enough?
Anyways. We made a lot of appointments that fell through this week. (Also, the word "appointment" is quite a fancy/misleading word). So we knocked doors and talked to people. It seems like there are so many people who are almost ready, they have that interest, they're looking for something, and yet, it's not going to happen for them. At least not in the next while. And I can know this because if they were going to accept the gospel, it would be through us because they are in our area. That's the rough part. Missionaries know how the story ends. Everyone has nice missionary work, seed planting stories. Do they ever turn into anything? Who knows. I mean, it's the good part too. Missionaries see how the story ends. So when it ends well, that's obviously quite joyous. It's just disappointing to see so many dashed hopes. I guess I had too high of expectations for humanity? I thought more people would recognize the truth when they heard it?
Sorry, I hate to be a debbie downer. But that's the real world, yo. Also, it's the p-day funk.
Really though. I'm sure something good will happen in our area soon. It's bound to. I just don't know what I can do to get it there. Besides be the perfect missionary, which I am not.
I'm searching for something uplifting. . .
Well, we talked to this presh master named Kevin and he might be the elect. He had to cancel the appointment we made with him to visit his cousin/grandma? but we're meeting with him again tonight (hopefully) and if it goes well, then he'll totally be the elect. If it doesn't go well, well I don't want my tiny heart to be broken. . .so I'm trying not to pin all my hopes on dreams on this kid. Although he's too precious to not get baptized.
Ok, I love you guys!
Love, Rachel
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