"Hi! My name is Rachel. Your friend was here in Nauvoo. Did she tell you about it? No?..."

Hi Family! 

Things have slowed down here quite a bit. We do a lot of calling (to ask if people want free CDs of the Pageant music. . .which missionaries will bring by with a short message!) these days.  No big deal but Sister Newell and I are big hitters with the calling numbers.  She's a great pusher and we enjoy the friendly competition (that we created and no one else knows about), so we're pretty much the dream team.  

I've been able to learn a lot more about relying on the Spirit while calling (we call it the "Call Center" although it's really just a gaggle of computers upstairs at the VC). First of all, because it's mostly just calling people and asking them if they want the CDs, I don't feel like it is my particular area of expertise, so there isn't a ton of pride or preconceived notions about my abilities to cloud my perspective.  I follow every little prompting I have because, hey, why not? I don't know what I'm doing, and a lot of times my personality/abilities don't factor in too much. I've been able to see reasons for following the little prompting I feel every time I follow them. And I realized--why don't I rely on the Lord like this all the time? Yes, we need to act for ourselves. But still. I put way too much faith in my own skill which,frankly, is a great burden.  

Something else cool that happened: There was a referral card given from an Elder in the DesMoines Iowa mission referring his best friend.  I called his dad to get the number, but the only one he had was wrong. It seemed like all was lost.  S.Newell and I then came down from call center, where we had been for a long period of time, and there are some Elders from the Des Moines Iowa mission (the only elders we ever see are from that mission, since technically their boundaries envelop Nauvoo). We never see any of those Elders, except during Pageant season. In less than two minutes, they have the Elder who referrred the friend on the phone, and he is able to give me his friend's email.  I email the kid and within 24 hours, he has emailed back and wants missionaries to bring the CD. Coincidence? I think not!

Something that's pretty hard that we get here in Nauvoo a lot are questions like "Are you real missionaries?" or, "Man, you guys have it easy! In my mission we were street contacting for 8 hours a day," or,"Just wait til you get to proselyte. That's the best kind of missionary work," etc. It's been an exercise in patience and humility to not get snarky with these RM punks (and others) who think their mission is somehow more valuable than mine (slash sometimes I do get snarky and feel bad later. Obviously they have needs to be discerned if they feel the need to compare missions).

I always knew, but now have seen as a tabgible reality, that the Lord cares for his children at all stages of life on their path back to Him. If you helped guide them/intervened in their life to redirect them to the path, does it matter where on that path? As missionaries, our commission is to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored Gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. We all have different calls that help fulfill that commission. 

It is clear in the way that Heavenly Father directs His resources to Nauvoo that every part of our lives is important to him.  Nauvoo is a healing place--spiritual therapy of any of his children, members or not, is important to him.  He loves us enough to send huge forces of missionaries to Nauvoo just so people can talk with missionaries and work out their spiritual struggles, whether they perceive them or not. 

Anyways, the significance of Nauvoo is one I have philosophied many a time. Sometimes it's awkward/annoying to try and justify myself to guests. But when you have those important spiritual experiences, I know that it's worth it. 

Sister Newell's dad and 18 year old brother came this weekend! I got some quality time with her family as the 4th wheel. I was an excellent picture taker.  

I love you all! 

Love, Sister Rachel

The guests are few, but the party is just getting started.

Family! This week has been so full of intensity.  Heavenly Father has really amped it up for me--but luckily it's all in the focus of others.  Thank goodness I'm at least temporarily past the self-intensity stage.

A group of troubled male youths who go to a boarding school nearby came to the Visitor Center.  This is exactly what I've always wanted. Direct contact with the people who need the gospel so immediately who are working on changing.  And they're youths. 

There were two kids who were quite open to talking. They didn't seem troubled at all.  They were adorable.  They were so open, and we pretty much had the first discussion.  They were so pepared. I explained the sacredness of the temple. How in the temple we make promises/covenants and some people just aren't ready to make those. And some people wouldn't respect how sacred they are to us, and they totally understood. They were like "Yeah, you wouldn't want people making fun of something you cared about or not understanding." My heart sang.

After we had talked about a lot of facets of the church, they asked--wait for it--"but how do you know it's true?"  The million dollar question! I'm so glad you asked!! I explained how I felt the Spirit when I prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true and asked them if they ever had a feeling that was overwhelming that they didn't make up on their own, and they totally had! One of them said "love."  (Inward tears are now being shed.) They completely understood. I asked if they wanted a Book of Mormon and they said sure, but--don't get your hopes up--their leader guy said it was against school policy or something. :(  They do have a lot of Mormons who work for the school though, I guess. Not to get to missionary on you guys, but no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing, so it's all going to be ok.  

Which leads me to something else that I have come to realize.

 I gave a talk in church on prayer this Sunday.  I only had a mini-mental breakdown a few days before when I realized I had gathered oh so much personal experience material and yet had no thesis! Alas, I thought I had escaped from school, but it turns out that life is just one giant literary criticism essay.  #Englishmajorsareimportant,ok?

The essential idea addressed was to those who feel their prayers aren't being answered. Yes, we all "know" that Heavenly Father answers prayers. But when you're going through a hard time, and he doesn't seem to be answering them, things seem a lot more bleak.  I shared my experience with the temple. I had never felt that love for the temple as others always professed, and when I was endowed I continued to be confused and angsty about my lack of understanding slash testimony.  I mean, if Heavenly Father could reach me anywhere, wouldn't it be the celestial room? So why wasn't I getting anything? Well, as I continued to go week after week, I got used to the routine and the angst kind of went away replaced with a "well, this is how it is and maybe one day I'll understand better."  After a while, I was slowly growing to enjoy going to the temple (although nothing had really changed concerning my understanding) and I remember one day, I was just kind of lost in thought (non-spiritual, in particular. I think I was observing the carpet pattern) and as I kind of got out of my thought train, I realized that I had this overwhelming feeling of peace (that had snuck up on me--not all at once).

Here is the scripture I shared:

1 Kings 19:11-12

11 And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:

 12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a ^astill small ^bvoice.

The storm was in me! The earthquake was in me!

Heavenly Father could not take away my agency by forcing me to feel things that my brain just wouldn't allow.  But as the storm in me subdued, He was able to reach me.  And that is something I realized with my troubles last transfer as well.  He is always there. And I don't blame myself in many instances. But He just has to reach me in the timing that I need.  My testimony of that is so strong! And I think I've learned versions of this lessons a million times. Still working on it. 

Anyways, I love you guys! Sister Newell and I have decided to shake things up and have planned outfit themes for the day.  For example, Friday was polka dots. Saturday we were in our pioneer dresses at pioneer pastimes so the theme was pioneer children (we did braids).  Yesterday, the day of my talk, was "Dress like you are talking in General Conference" Day (Sister Newell's brilliant idea), and today is Sister Streeter Day.  We are wearing her reject clothing that she left here.

Missions are fun. Missions are hard. Missions are five million times worth it. (I am sure I will need reminding of that down the road.)

Love, Sister Rachel 

The Call.

Hello Family: 

Sad day, Sisters Zibetti, Streeter, Ripplinger, Brown and Petricek have left. Well, actually Sister Streeter will be leaving-ish on Thursday.  So now my only companion is Sister Newell.  Sweet deal, eh? Although it's a crying shame that Sister Streeter is leaving on account of she is like my best friend. 

 Guess who went tracting last week, aka door knocking? This girl! I honestly can't even believe that there are so many people out there willing to do that. I mean, it's intense.  I am so impressed that so many 18-21 year olds sign up to do this. I was paired up with Sister Petricek and then Sister Zibetti and we were in Quincy.  We knocked on this one door and this mid 20s guy (with a beautiful face although that is irrelevant) answers the door and feels awkward and doesn't know what to do.  But we bore testimony to him and gave him a Book of Mormon and I felt the spirit so strongly. I hated that the people who answered the door made me feel like a sales person since I refuse to sell anything. But I can see how the experiences you do have can be so worth it.

Yesterday I had this amazing conversation in the call center.  First of all, I thought I was calling a member to ask for a referral of their non-member friends--standard procedure. Well, it was actually an inactive that someone else had referred. I'm caught off guard of course, and am being awkward and trying to smooth things over. I bluster out some pathetic phrase like "Oh, ok. . . .well, why did you leave the church?" Luckily, the lady (maybe 30s) seems to be quite willing, and even desiring to talk about this.  She starts off with gay marriage. Great. This is potentially a can of worms. I am able to greatly sympathize with her and we ride smoothly past the issue. 

 Much of the tension inside myself this whole 47 minute conversation was trying not to sacrifice my beliefs slash confuse myself while not offending her at the same time by trying to defend/explain beliefs. She believes there are many ways to get closer to Christ and there isn't one right way, and God doesn't really care how you go about it. Yes. But no. I mean, what do you say to that kind of thing? And wait for it--this breaks my heart--she was raised in the church and married in the temple. Oh the agony!

 Immediately, I can see that I'm not equipped to handle this conversation. As I'm listening extremely intently, there is also another track in my mind that may have sounded something like me pleading "Jesus take the wheel." Or more accurately, "Heavenly Father, this conversation is going to have to be all you." Needless to say, my reliance on the Holy Ghost was heavy.     

She said she made a very conscious, not-made-lightly decision to leave the church when she decided there wasn't just one way to be close to Christ. What sparked that decision was her brother who was a hardcore meth addict.  As she explained it, the church was not his way to get close to Christ. He felt the church could not help him as he's being to do home teaching and he's just trying to make it through the hour without doing meth.  Understandable, yes? How does one go against that without arguing? Answer: You can't. I did not point out that I knew many people that have deep issues that have made it through because of the church. Nor did I try to explain the purpose and need for a restoration. Which may have been my initial reaction. 

Something I found very interesting that she said was that she can't possibly have as close of a relationship to Christ as her brother does because she never has, and never will (probably) go through the type of things that he died, and she doesn't want to have that kind of trial anyway.  The heaven/degrees of glory thing doesn't jibe with her because she feels like her brother will be at the right hand of Christ no matter what he hasn't done that Mormons think he should do.  I said I agree with her and that I believe that we will be granted where we go according to our desires. 

I was able to talk about how I've at times felt far from God, even being in the church and doing what I'm "supposed to" to feel spiritual and haven't felt that way. But, as I have recently had ingrained deeply within me through personal experience, it wasn't about the church or the doctrines.  It was about me. Yes, sometimes my fault for not making the effort, sometimes it was just the mood I was in. But as I've sacrificed certain things that would get in the way of me being close to God, my relationship has been able to grow.  Even if that sacrifice is simply making the effort to do something that doesn't seem to be working for me.  And later, I was able to briefly explain that that's why we make covenants/promises to God like baptism, or in the temple. We're showing God that we are willing to sacrifice, or do more, to be closer with Him.  

There is no possible way I would have been able to make those connections and tie in what she was saying with what she needed to hear on my own. The whole time, I had complete control of the conversation. It was, looking back, like I knew exactly how it would go, like I had written a masterful script.  Except I had no idea what I was doing and I was shaking nearly the whole time. I honestly know that in this situation, my missionary commission was fulfilled. I said the things Christ would say and did the things Christ would do if her were talking to her. Because that's the master who was leading this conversation, that's for sure. 

On my own, I would have been an awkward slash offensive apologist. Relying on the Spirit, I mostly listened, asked questions, and bore testimony of the truths she said in my own words. It was amazing that I was taught how to be a great missionary by me being guided through the Spirit. And what's more, my testimony was so strengthened.  I completely empathized and respected her beliefs, and yet the Spirit continually testified to me of the necessity of the restored gospel.  I love the church. I love that people can draw close to Christ no matter what they believe. And yet, I know this gospel is the fastest, most joy-bringing way to get to Him, and holds all of the truths we need to make it through this life.  While trials can be important and can most definitely bring us closer to God (if we have a soft heart), we do not need to be a huge sinner or have some devastating tragedy to know God. That's the beauty of the restored gospel! It's the best path to getting where you want to be and becoming the person you want to be come in this life and the life after this.

Woo hoo I'm a missionary and am trying to spread this message to the world/guests at Nauvoo.  I love you all! My next preparation day is Monday so I probably won't be writing any letters today. 

Love, Sister Rachel

(Nauvoo) On the Road again.

Hello family!

On Saturday I went to Nauvoo on the Road--remember last time I went to a school? This time, it was for some tractor fair thing (I'm still not really sure what it is) with Sister Garner and one of the new sisters, Sister Etherington. This was such a random situation that I knew I was supposed to be there for a reason.  

Mostly what we were supposed to do there was go on the old fashioned stilts and play games to attract people to our booth so they would want to visit Nauvoo.  It took me like a million hours to figure it out (the stilts), but I finally kind of could hobble a good twenty steps (that's a big deal, btw).  Meanwhile, Sister Garner and Sister Etherington are having this intense gospel conversation with this non-member couple. One thing leads to another, and the couple fills out a referral card and wants a Book of Mormon. So, stupidly enough, there are no Books of Mormon anywhere to be found.  I offer up mine (the one I've marked, that we are all reading in 85 days) and alas, it is taken. Yay for that. But now my half-marked Book of Mormon is gone. 

Well, the giving away of my Book of Mormon is not the only reason I was at Nauvoo on the Road.   There were these two guys who were college aged that seemed pretty cool.  They were excited about making rope, which said something. I enticed them to come learn how to do the stilts--it wasn't that hard. . .to entice, that is, and the three of us talked for forever.  We touched on Mormonism here and there. It wasn't like a typical VC convo, where the focus tends to be more directly religious in some way.  

They definitely didn't understand the concept of a mission.  They kept saying stuff like, "Well, it looks like you're making the best of it. . ." Ha.  I want to be here guys! It's volunteer! 

They weren't religious (Which was quite helpful in this situation, to be honest.  Sometimes "religious" people, as we all know, can be the most close minded.) They had never really met any Mormons before either.  I tried to convey how I wanted to be on a mission, and how the restored gospel of Jesus Christ gives me peace and joy and happiness and truth.  Peace in knowing the truth, that's for sure.

It wasn't a super gospel-y conversation but I really said all they could handle.  Plus, they approached me as a total friend, so it would be fairly out of place and rude seeming if I started to randomly push things on them (which is basically the antithesis of who I am).  They kept wanting to talk to me, and trying to figure out how they could see me again--you know, to hang out like friends-ish.  They seemed mighty tempted to come to the Pageant but they legit had a cousin's birthday party to go to.  They seemed pretty down with coming to Nauvoo though, soon. And theydo go to a community college in southern Iowa just an hour and a half away.  

Eventually they had to leave because they hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch and it was like 3:45pm.  It was weird because, approaching these guys as somewhat of a civilian (ha ha), I was taken out of mission mode for a second. I am quite empathetic to others' viewpoints and was realizing what a weird and seemingly strict lifestyle I live, to not be able to hang out with new friends and whatnot.  I mean, I understand all too completely why people in general--at least like that--could initially see religion as being pretty weird. 

---Hey guys, I would literally be just like you. I am just like you.  Except I have had feelings and experiences and so many other testaments of the truth that I cannot deny it.  And the more you try to learn, the more you experiment on the word of God and see the goodness for yourself, the more you can truly understand.

Alas, it's hard to describe to non-religious people. At least the ones without the desire in their hearts. It's all about desire. Member and non-member alike. God isn't going to communicate to you something you don't have the desire to hear.  Which is why it's so hard to share the gospel sometimes. Baby steps.  

Well, I was feeling pretty weird after that. I mean, it was a really good interaction, so I didn't regret it. But I was feeling very world-ish.  

--And then I was finally able to understand what people mean when they say Nauvoo has a special spirit! --

Right as we were getting back to Nauvoo I could just feel the difference. It kind of felt like being in the temple. And I am so grateful that because of the gospel I can have that feeling of the Spirit, that feeling of refuge--I guess you could say all the time, if you look for it.

The pageant is over and many of the dear sisters go home around next Tuesday. Nauvoo, once again, will be a whole other place.  We will be calling many people because of the Pageant referrals.  (PS you know if anyone wants a free cd, I can hook them up. Nonmembers, of course. . .)

Love, Sister Rachel

ps, it hit me once again how weird the Sister/Elder thing appears. It's a good thing the gospel is true, and people are needing and looking for the message, or it would be hard to get people to listen. (Oh yeah, and the spirit is the mode of conversion not the missionary--can I get a hallelujah?) Straight is the gate and narrow the way, ya know?