I don't know but writing about me is like literally the last thing I ever want to do. It's almost just too hard to really think about or accurately describe my week or anything I do, so I almost just don't even want to try. But I'll try anyways.
So this was one of those weeks where it transitions from everything going smooth and being happy to things starting to fall through and feeling that panic-discouragement feeling. That's kind of how it seems to be on a normal pros mission. Things are either blowin up or feeling really bleak. It seems like just yesterday we had so much potential and now we realize that none of it came through.
But it's actually super ok because both Sister Wilkins and I had our separate get-it-together, life-view-paradigm-shift moments and we are totally fine. We realized we were feeling a lot of numbers pressure, and just other types of pressure to appear to be the best missionaries. And it was just too much. I know, it seems so dumb. And I always thought I would never be that missionary. But I swear, you don't know what it's like until you're in it. I never thought I would have such missionary identity issue problems. But the weight of the mantle is super real. Super super real. That's really the thing about being a missionary that kills me. The weight I feel for the entire city of Little Rock! But really, Sister Wilkins and I had a good talk about it, and we are so happy. I feel like in the past little while, I've really been able to develop the spiritual skills to get myself out of more of my issues. Well, hopefully at least. And now my goal is simply to just love the people I'm with, and nothing else. Well, and the Lord. Loving the Lord is #1.
So we have a bestie in the ward who is also an RM and all that jazz and she is so useful and goes out with us and we love her. And we're teaching her friend who's way more than a friend and it's complicated. So we had a date with them on Valentine's day lolz. And then we had a dinner and a lesson date with them not this past week but the week before. And we were sitting at a rectangular table, right? And S. Wilk and I are at the long ends of the table and our dear friends are sitting across from each other making flirty faces and googly eyes, and S Wilk and I make the big mistake of making eye contact with each other. Sister Wilkins and I have this problem where we get to a certain place and a mutual understanding, and cannot keep it together. So of course we make eye contact and are just dying. We can't stop laughing because the whole situation is just so hilarious. And they can't figure out for the life of them why we're laughing, and we couldn't really tell them if we tried. But you know, lots of funny situations come up when you're on a mission.
Things, like I mentioned before, are transitioning. So nothing super solid. But miracles are around the corner, ya?
Love you all!
Love, Rachel
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