When things are good, they are very very good, and when they are bad they are horrid.

Hey Family, 

Sorry I don't have many missionary stories to tell. I've never been a good story teller, and I feel like a liar telling stories anyways because everyone knows a "good story" is largely way more entertaining and even really story worthy after the fact, and in the moment, it's whatever. All the good, in the moment happenings make for uninteresting stories to tell. 

To be honest, I felt like the spiritual moments were more poignant in Nauvoo. Maybe more nuanced, but they felt more. . .effective? Influential? 

We've finished a transfer already. And Sister Reynolds and I are staying together in Greenbrier which is for the best, as we are on the brink of accomplishing some good things, but have yet to see a lot of results. We have yet to be able to meet with Kevin again. We set up some appointments but he hasn't been home. This has happened a lot with us.

We've been working with a 17 year old girl whose younger brothers got baptized somewhat recently but are now inactive. She is super sweet but their family is going through hard times--the single mom's only way to work, the car, broke down--and the mood is just super depressed whenever we go there. There's no hope there, and it's hard to know how to instill hope--that God is there, that He answers prayers--without there being any faith. And of course the family has trouble having faith because times are so hard. I guess that's the thing about faith. Sometimes you just have to act without really believing or having hope. A desire is really all it takes. But try to convey that to others--"You just need a desire! Oh, you don't have a desire . . .? Well, then you have to get one."  Hence, if your heart is soft, opposition in all things takes its role eventually, and your desire will grow. 

I had a very good prayer experience the other day. Some of the best experiences are prayer experiences, let me tell you. I was feeling awful and very in need of direction (I think that's one of my big problems these days--sensory overload. Too many weaknesses/problems/confusion in too many directions. I don't know where to start or what the core of my problem is, or how to approach it. What do I really need to improve on? Charity, humility, faith, gratitude, etc? Well, I've prayed for all of them--I don't know what else to do.) Anyways, so I pretty much started my prayer off asking for things because I just felt the need for so much direction. I realized, that later in life/eternity, I"ll probably be embarrassed at how whiny my prayers were, so I decided to just pray for things I was grateful for, even though I didn't want to. And soon enough, Heavenly Father gave me things to be thankful for that came to mind that made me feel happy. It doesn't happen all the time like that. But I'm taking the little things, and I've realized that I have enough faith and I just need to wait on the Lord's timing now. It's always worked out for me in the past. 

But you know, when things seem bad, it feels like they've always been bad. And vice versa. 

Ok, love you!

Love, Rachel

Welcome to the real world...

Hey fam,

P-day really is the worst day to write. I get in a weird place and can't accurately asses the situation. But oh well, it's the day alloted. 

Sister Reynolds and I have been working on talking to people more. It's something I knew we were lacking in all along, but we were able to get the mentality where we have actually internalized it and can find it doable. It feels good to talk to strangers about the gospel, actually. I find it quite enjoyable. 

We're still trying to find people to teach, which I guess every missionary is. You just feel like a failure when you can't find anybody. Really, I prefer the seed planting business because then there's no way to truly hold yourself to high expectations that are out of your control anyway (ie the agency of others). As compared to how you do when you are the only way people are going to get baptized in the area where you are, and if you aren't having any baptisms, well then that means that no one is getting baptized.  It's a tough psychological game that is exhausting. And then you questions yourself: how much is in my control? Am I not seeing success because I'm missing some key component that I somehow overlooked? Are my expectations too high? Are they not high enough? 

Anyways. We made a lot of appointments that fell through this week. (Also, the word "appointment" is quite a fancy/misleading word). So we knocked doors and talked to people. It seems like there are so many people who are almost ready, they have that interest, they're looking for something, and yet, it's not going to happen for them. At least not in the next while. And I can know this because if they were going to accept the gospel, it would be through us  because they are in our area. That's the rough part. Missionaries know how the story ends. Everyone has nice missionary work, seed planting stories. Do they ever turn into anything? Who knows.  I mean, it's the good part too. Missionaries see how the story ends. So when it ends well, that's obviously quite joyous. It's just disappointing to see so many dashed hopes. I guess I had too high of expectations for humanity? I thought more people would recognize the truth when they heard it?

Sorry, I hate to be a debbie downer. But that's the real world, yo. Also, it's the p-day funk.

Really though. I'm sure something good will happen in our area soon. It's bound to. I just don't know what I can do to get it there. Besides be the perfect missionary, which I am not.  

I'm searching for something uplifting. . . 

Well, we talked to this presh master named Kevin and he might be the elect. He had to cancel the appointment we made with him to visit his cousin/grandma? but we're meeting with him again tonight (hopefully) and if it goes well, then he'll totally be the elect. If it doesn't go well, well I don't want my tiny heart to be broken. . .so I'm trying not to pin all my hopes on dreams on this kid. Although he's too precious to not get baptized. 

Ok, I love you guys! 

Love, Rachel

Bike Week has been survived.

This week has been a good one. I am really appreciating Sister Reynolds these days. She's my first truly sassy companion, and I forgot what that was like (well....SP was a little sassy. ..:). She kind of reminds me of Gordy, to be honest. I can just say whatever ridiculous opinion I want and she'll just throw it back, and say something like (all the syllables exaggerated), "Sister Ross, you are so weird, how do you survive?" (if, for example, I don't like tootsie rolls) and I do the same to her. It's actually very enjoyable. If that makes sense.. . It's hard to get across.

 

The weather, aside from this very moment, when it's rainy and cold, has been relatively fantastic. I've barely started to need a coat.

 

We made it through the weeks on bike/foot. Slash, it is extremely unrealistic to not have a car here. It took us an hour to walk 2 miles at a decent pace, and we had to walk through somewhat rough (lots of bugs) terrain because there are no sidewalks here. And that was one of our closest people. Forget about hoping there are other people we could have made appointments with that lived near that home.

 

Being a missionary is the funniest thing. Honestly. If people even knew the types of people who were on missions--ie Sister Reynolds, they would so know the church is true. I see people eye us and probably they think we're religious weirdies, as makes sense. Let me tell you, Sister Reynolds is not that type. Yes, she has a strong testimony, but she ain't nobody's fool. She made fun of me for trick or treating after elementary school age. And for putting my laundry in a plastic bag ("You're just so at poverty's door that you can't afford the dollar ones at Wal Mart!" she mocks).

 

I miss the temple greatly. I will never ever not live somewhere within an hour of the temple. And I will go every week. Not having the temple has really made me appreciate taking the Sacrament because at least I have some covenants I can renew weekly. I never understood the importance of covenants before my mission (on account of going to the temple weekly in Nauvoo), and I can't fully explain it now, but they mean everything to me. And some people just don't get it. That's why they don't attend church. These are promises you are making to God. It's like the sweetest contract ever signed. In which you promise to do stuff (like mourn with those who mourn. .. oh man, so rough to try to love other people!) and God promises slash then is able to bless you beyond your own deserving. And those things you promise to do, like stand as a witness of God at all times, or live a consecrated life, bless you anyways, not to mention the other promised blessings. Really, it's a win-win-win situation.

 

And it's eternal perspective. Life is so much more then just living for the next temporary gain. These blessings are eternal. For you and your family.

 

Sorry, just a spheel I went off on.

 

Anyways, I'm psyched to go to the temple again, eventually. At least in April.

 

Love you!

 

Rachel