The difficult adjustment to my new stage life. . .loljk But the British pageant is way good.

Dear Family,

Literally as I was going onto the computer I realized I hadn't thought of anything. . . anything about this week. Really lame, I'm sorry. 

Well, the pageant(s!) started and it's good times. Actually, sometimes it's kind of awkward on pageant grounds, to be honest. People just want to have fun and social-talk. I'm not about that meaningless chit chat these days. 

Had our debut on the stage last night, and again, as much as I'm the star of the show, it's actually kind of awkward to be up there. But I know it's touching because the missionary spirit is way real, so I'll get used to my role. 

Tonight is transfers. That means that my preparation day might change. So, to be safe, you may just want to email on Sunday/Monday in case it goes back (and just keep emailing every day thereafter to update...hehe). I think I'm going back to Nauvoo. . .can't be sure of course. I had to ask myself. . .to make transfer guesses or to not make transfer guesses? (sometimes I feel weird trying to play God and put people where I think they should be) But I thought, hey, it's my last transfer to make transfer guesses, so I decided to go all out. I've considered all the options. And I'm actually not too attached to any notion, really. It's whatever at this point.  

So in a trunky-not-trunky kind of way, I started making a list of all the things I've gained a testimony/true understanding of on my mission (can still be added on to!). It's a dang long and impressive list. What would I do without my mission? And interestingly, yes, there were several things that I gained specifically from life experiences directly related to my mission. But many things were just timing that came from the spirit through study, at just the right time, and were related to my mission in a roundabout way. So I guess what I'm saying is, I have hope for the future for my spiritual growth. And that true, intent gospel study makes a world of difference. And I mean, a world. 

It's interesting how I've had to jump start my inner desire over and over again in order to actually be motivated in the work and not fall asleep during studies. Like, it's had to happen all the time. Which is why a mission has been so good for me because you have to study! And especially Nauvoo, when it's slow and you can't just sleep all day from lack of motivation to study. It's got to mean something to you. And a lot of that is just gritting it out until it does start to mean something.

I actually talked to this super awesome 14 year old at Carthage the other week who was highly intelligent but admitted that he doesn't apply himself (and that's why he thinks he won't get into BYU--it was part of a bigger conversation). I actually told him to read his scriptures consistently (in a non-condescending way). Because it's something you have to get meaning out of to make it worth it, and you know it's worth it, so it's a true exercise in self-discipline and patience that gets long term results. And he totally was going to do it! He seemed really enthusiastic about it. Also, when you read the scriptures, you're feeling the spirit, remembering who you are, your eternal purpose, the eternal perspective in general, what's important, and you really are able to prioritize things better in your life. 

Ok, well, I love you guys! We'll see what this last transfer brings and what state I'm in next p-day!

Love, Rachel 

High Adventure in the Carthage Jail.

Hey Family!

Everything here has entirely and completely changed. 

PSYCHE!  It's a historic site. . . nothing changes! So yeah. Nothing "new" to report on in the jail (except the tiny pleasure I get out of writing "jail" in my planner every day). 

I'd like to give a special shout out to my Hollyboo Ross because it's her birthday. I cried tears of laughter recounting past Holly birthdays to Sister Mills this morning, most specifically the quinceneara. Remember the long and dramatic dance across the hallway to "She's always a woman to me"? 

Anyways. We've given a lot of good tours this week. And I've been trying to figure out what makes a tour specifically "good" to me, considering that I rarely feel like, "wow, I didn't do that well." I'm at the point where I feel like I pretty much always know what to do to create an environment to foster the spirit (not to be overconfident or anything. . .I could be completely off but I don't think so. . .), but some tours are still just better than others for me (separate from the guests' experience). So I realized I think it just depends on how much I am invested in the guests and how much mental energy I devote to meeting their spiritual needs. I think I've figured out a good balance here in Carthage now where I can, if I try, devote the energy without becoming overly exhausted by it--because it is rather spiritually exhausting to give so many tours in Carthage. Like, if you give 6 tours in a day, that's an intense day. 

Transfers are actually next week, although I still have Thursday preparation day that day, and then transfers that night. The pageant starts next week! And guess what??? We get to be in it a tiny bit!! It's going to be the coolest thing ever, I think. So there's a part of the British pageant at the end where they talk about missionary work and seeking truth and all that jazz, and they say it's still going on today, and then real life missionaries go on the stage (so, we got to watch a taping of the british pageant a few months ago, so I've seen it he he) and it's uber touching and the tears flow. . .And we get to be those missionaries!! gahhhhh my life is made. Super excited. 

Also, I thought of something tinyish but cool that happened a million years ago but I forgot to tell you because it was that time my p-day didn't come for a million years. And it was that I was in charge of our weekly training for the whole mission (all the senior missionaries too, of course). And it went smashingly well, I feel! I delegated parts to everyone, like a good leader ought. So I was by no means the star performer. But it was a great experience. And every part that I assigned to a companionship was very lead by the spirit and perfect for them. And I thought the training was highly effective. So yeah. 

True story. The core pageant cast (the main actors. . not the family cast) is in town, of course. And I decided early to make them into my personal Nauvoo celebrities so I can have that enjoyment--an opportunity I missed out on last summer. So I'm looking forward to the excitement that will inevitably come if I get the chance to talk to one. Also many are British, which really ups the legitimacy of their fake celebritydom. So, you know, I'm creating my own thrills here. Long term joy is the more dominating missionary experience so I've got to find that fleeting pleasure where I can, relate to the commoners you know?

I love you all! Happy birthday babygirl! 

Love, Rachel

#handhewnlogs

Hey Fam,

I don't have much to say on account of really there can't be that much news going on at Carthage these days. Although the biggest event that Carthage has is happening tomorrow. And that's the 170th commemoration of the martyrdom of Joseph and Hyrum. It's actually way cool that I get to be there that day! And we have this ceremony thing that we're singing "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" at. 

But just on a funny note. So on the tour through the jail, right before we go into the martyrdom room, we're in the dungeon cell, which is all dark because the windows are thing slits. So anyways, we're stuck in that room because another tour is still in the martyrdom room, and we've said pretty much everything there is to say in the dungeon cell. We've told the stories, the facts, expounded on all the gospel principles we could think of. So in a last ditch attempt to glean all the info we know, Sister Mills mentions, "And did you know, these logs (in the ceiling) are hand-hewn!" Well, a day or two later, we're reading through the outline of the tour where it talks about the hand-hewn logs and I can't stop cracking up, and I try to tell Sister Mills why but I can hardly talk through the laughter. It's really just so very funny to me because I feel like talking about the logs is just complete sign of desperation because nobody cares. At all. And it's just so dang funny. Can you possibly comprehend the hilarity of adding in "And by the way, these logs are hand hewn!"? Oh my goodness. Sister Mills and I couldn't stop laughing. So we made up a new hashtag: #handhewnlogs  You know. . . for when things are awkward. Ok, so maybe you can't understand. It's probably not funny at all to you. When you're a missionary, the very tiny things are very funny. The smallest things bring me joy. Facial expressions. Brief interactions. Anything the senior missionaries do. 

Well, sorry I really have nothing to report on. Maybe there will be excitement brought about by the commemoration. I doubt it. Pageant starts in two weeks or so. 

Love you guys!

Love, Rachel

"And please bless that we will have a good day in the jail."

Hello Dear Family,

Well, life in Carthage is just as peachy keen as ever. 

As I've given tours, I have noticed fascinating patterns of human behavior (Side note: I pretty much knew this before but Sister Mills confirmed it and it's been defined: I have the gift of discernment. Like, of people. I can discern people. That's why people always turn out how I expect them to be (at least in our interactions together)--because I can discern it!). Anyways. As we open the door and let them out of the jail, there's a marked difference between those who smile, look you in the eye, say thanks when they walk by and those who don't. They are the ones who had a way more spiritual experience. Were way more prepared. They are the ones whose light of Christ you can feel. Etc. And yes, maybe that's why they thank you in the end. Because they had a good experience. There still is something, however, in their countenance, and gratitude/acknowledgement is just an outward expression of it.  

Sorry, I honestly don't have much to say this week. The 170th commemoration of the martyrdom is coming up next Friday. Rumor is it's supposed to get cray cray at the jail. Also, Living Legends left and now the BYU contemporary dance team and also the jazz band Synthesis are here for two weeks. And guess who is on the CDT? My friend Tyler who lived at the Villa. It's really weird to see him except that it's not weird at all. And that's the weirdest part. What if I slip back to easily into normal life? Although, admittedly, Sister Richardson and I talked about how proud we are of ourselves because we really did start to get uncomfortable with some of the songs. They weren't even bad at all but we just felt really weird about it. (And I'm not even talking about the dance, just the normal jazz songs.) That's a good sign, right? 

Ok, love you guys!

Love, Rachel

Life is good in the Carthage Bubble

Hey Fam!

Carthage is still great. Have I told you about how Nauvoo is legitimately the biggest bubble? Like, no outside world interference, truly a bubble. Well Carthage is even more of a bubble, if that's even conceivable. And then you go through the tour a few times and the spirit's so strong you can become immune to it if you aren't careful.And if you aren't careful, you can create problems out of nothing, if you know what I mean. There are a lot of diverse personalities serving here in Carthage. . .  It's quite a fun/interesting dynamic to work with the seniors so closely. I love them dearly. I'll never see seniors the same way again, on account of they are all my good friends, real talk. There's this couple named the Johnsons. Soooo great. Elder Johnson is like a father from another mother (don't worry Daddy, not to replace you!). Quite the quick and dry wit. He wants to be a star in Rendezvous (the senior play). I highly encourage it. 

There's a really amazing phenomenon that happens whilst giving tours in the jail. As you go throughout the tour, even though I often don't know the people super well (if I even got the chance to talk to them beforehand), the spirit is just so clear. It's not so much that I'm given words to say (although sometimes that does happen). Rather it's just that I almost feel the spirit of the people in the tour. I just know what they need even if I don't actually know what they need.  It's incredible. So often I just feel the soul of at least one person in the tour. And interestingly, although I guess not surprisingly, the most common theme I find myself testifying of is God's love. In some aspect or another. Everybody just needs it so bad. And I can feel it. I hope that doesn't seem weird. It's very real. 

We got to see BYU's Living Legends this week, as they are in town. It's a dance-culture group thing of native and latin americans and polynesians. Super fun. Like super. If I could be polynesian. . . And they kind of tell the story of the Book of Mormon in a generic kind of way. It was touching. Man, I miss dancing so bad. Except for when we greet for Sunset by the Mississippi, I dance behind the audience. I get my fun in, no worries. 

Ok, I love you! 

Love, Rachel

And three million years later is was my preparation day.

Family!

It's finally my preparation day! Yes, it was reassigned to Thursday. At one point, I quoted one of the lost boys from Peter Pan to Sister Mills, "I never had a mother. . . ." because that's how it felt. Which brings me to my next point, which is that I was transferred to Carthage! And Sister Mills is my new companion!

I've never served in Carthage before (obviously) and I lovvvveee it!! Instinctively, I was quite sad to leave Nauvoo because it's kind of my place, ya know. But Carthage adds a lot of new elements and it's so wonderful. First of all, we are in an apartment of just four of us. I miss the other sisters but I honestly am a lot more well rested, and sometimes I do like my winding down time. Also, Sister Mills, who was in my district in the MTC, is actually a weirdly perfect fit for me. Like seriously, we are a great team. It's the weirdest thing because in many ways we are so different. Our personalities just aren't the same at all. But we run on the same frequency or something. I don't know. I'm trying to break it down so I can apply it to my future marriage. We both work on the same logic, I think. Oh, it's so hard to say.

Anyways, everyday in Carthage is great. It's seriously the most fulfilling missionary work. The spirit is so strong in the tours and you get to talk to the people before/afterwards. There are many things I miss about Nauvoo, but I think this was a needed break.

Highlights: We gave a tour to a group of three FLDS people (the polygamists). So, I always get a really eerie vibe around them (they've come into Nauvoo a few times) but this was my first one on one time giving a tour and I, personally, actually felt the spirit really strongly because I was trying really hard to see them as children of God, with their own needs and concerns (which I would imagine are many, on account of who would want to share a husband?).

Then later that same day we gave a tour to the most awesome prepared non-member couple and it was the greatest. Sorry, guess you had to be there.

On Sunday, Sister Mills and I were assigned to the Seventies Hall and there's a keyboard in there, which, we discovered, plays beats. So we actually had a real live jam sesh singing our own jazzed up versions of hymns to these beats and it was the time of our life. I also had my own pulpit at which to sing.

We are also trying to figure out things to do in the evening since we can't come into Nauvoo on a regular basis and do call center (it's been renamed by Salt Lake "teaching center"). So Sister Mills and I are trying to contact people and get some service going on because we literally have nothing to do. Yesterday we sang at a rest home. Supes fun.

I LOVE all of the seniors that we serve with in Carthage. It's great here because couples serve together so we get to serve with the senior elders, too. They're a riot.

I know this letter is all sunshine and giggles but what am I supposed to do? It's a good time in Carthage and I'm enjoying the newness of it (what a novelty). I'm turning into one of those sister missionaries. I'll probs want to get transfered back to Nauvoo next transfer (aka my last transfer. . .what the what...) but that's not really in my control and I've learned enough to trust Heavenly Father.

Ok, I love you!

Love, Rachel

Oh yeah, and forget about what happened pre-transfers. I have no idea. It's such a blur.

Living the (meaningful) Life

Hello family! 

We finished the Sociable! It happened! I didn't even realize how much stress it was causing me until it was over. But guess what? It worked out!! I really feel like it did. It was so shaky there (our, the narrator people's parts) for a while. We really were working it out to the last minute. It wasn't until the middle of our dress rehearsal on Saturday night that we fully got it together. But it went smoothly, and I feel good about it. I'll send you the recording of it, when I get it, even though it will be really really embarrassing. 

Transfers are this week. I think I'm changing companions. Mostly because of some things I've heard from the assistants. 

Sister Wood came this weekend (and actually she's still here) and it was so wonderful. I am so so glad. Really, we've had several good talks that I feel were necessary and I love her so much. Blessing from heaven, I was stationed in Pioneer Pastimes that first day she was there and so I was actually able to talk with her a for a long time, where I wouldn't have been able to anywhere else. 

Most of my big and meaningful moments here have largely been with the other sisters, resolving problems and talking through life issues. So it's kind of hard to describe but entirely meaningful. I love being here and I know so clearly that I am meant to be here. 

Ok, now I'm going to try that new thing where I hit the highlights in my journal. It worked ok up until Thursday. Then for several nights in a row I totally had no time. 

Tuesday: 

--Sociable practice. Not going well. Sister Hall, Hansen and I are the main narrator people and we're acting out this skit thing, and we need to get it together. It's not together. I'm trying to avoid panic. I feel weirdly calm. 

--There was this cute group of young families with cute tiny children. We sent them on their lovely way out to the women's garden but I had this feeling I needed to follow them out. But that would be weird and there would be no reason. So after a few minutes of avoiding the prompting I dragged Sister Kupfer out with me to the garden assuming/hoping I would figure out why I had this prompting. Well, I saw the gardening ladies and they were pulling out all the tulips, so I ran to tell the young families that if they wanted they could take some tulips. And they did! And later the mom walked by and said, "Thank you. That made their day." (They were all young girls.) So it was a cool experience of going out on a tiny limb and there being legitimate, clear results. 

Wednesday:

--we had a three hour long training with Melanie Cottam, the big woman on campus in charge of in field operations for all the Visitor's Center and stuff. We (Sister Kupfer and I) gave her a tour yesterday. 

Thursday:

We did service planting flowers and stuff in the women's garden. It was actually a lot of physical exertion and fairly painful. 

And then things happened. Sister Wood came. Sociable practice. Talking through ideas and concerns with sisters. 

I love you all! 

Love, Rachel