"And please bless that we will have a good day in the jail."

Hello Dear Family,

Well, life in Carthage is just as peachy keen as ever. 

As I've given tours, I have noticed fascinating patterns of human behavior (Side note: I pretty much knew this before but Sister Mills confirmed it and it's been defined: I have the gift of discernment. Like, of people. I can discern people. That's why people always turn out how I expect them to be (at least in our interactions together)--because I can discern it!). Anyways. As we open the door and let them out of the jail, there's a marked difference between those who smile, look you in the eye, say thanks when they walk by and those who don't. They are the ones who had a way more spiritual experience. Were way more prepared. They are the ones whose light of Christ you can feel. Etc. And yes, maybe that's why they thank you in the end. Because they had a good experience. There still is something, however, in their countenance, and gratitude/acknowledgement is just an outward expression of it.  

Sorry, I honestly don't have much to say this week. The 170th commemoration of the martyrdom is coming up next Friday. Rumor is it's supposed to get cray cray at the jail. Also, Living Legends left and now the BYU contemporary dance team and also the jazz band Synthesis are here for two weeks. And guess who is on the CDT? My friend Tyler who lived at the Villa. It's really weird to see him except that it's not weird at all. And that's the weirdest part. What if I slip back to easily into normal life? Although, admittedly, Sister Richardson and I talked about how proud we are of ourselves because we really did start to get uncomfortable with some of the songs. They weren't even bad at all but we just felt really weird about it. (And I'm not even talking about the dance, just the normal jazz songs.) That's a good sign, right? 

Ok, love you guys!

Love, Rachel

Life is good in the Carthage Bubble

Hey Fam!

Carthage is still great. Have I told you about how Nauvoo is legitimately the biggest bubble? Like, no outside world interference, truly a bubble. Well Carthage is even more of a bubble, if that's even conceivable. And then you go through the tour a few times and the spirit's so strong you can become immune to it if you aren't careful.And if you aren't careful, you can create problems out of nothing, if you know what I mean. There are a lot of diverse personalities serving here in Carthage. . .  It's quite a fun/interesting dynamic to work with the seniors so closely. I love them dearly. I'll never see seniors the same way again, on account of they are all my good friends, real talk. There's this couple named the Johnsons. Soooo great. Elder Johnson is like a father from another mother (don't worry Daddy, not to replace you!). Quite the quick and dry wit. He wants to be a star in Rendezvous (the senior play). I highly encourage it. 

There's a really amazing phenomenon that happens whilst giving tours in the jail. As you go throughout the tour, even though I often don't know the people super well (if I even got the chance to talk to them beforehand), the spirit is just so clear. It's not so much that I'm given words to say (although sometimes that does happen). Rather it's just that I almost feel the spirit of the people in the tour. I just know what they need even if I don't actually know what they need.  It's incredible. So often I just feel the soul of at least one person in the tour. And interestingly, although I guess not surprisingly, the most common theme I find myself testifying of is God's love. In some aspect or another. Everybody just needs it so bad. And I can feel it. I hope that doesn't seem weird. It's very real. 

We got to see BYU's Living Legends this week, as they are in town. It's a dance-culture group thing of native and latin americans and polynesians. Super fun. Like super. If I could be polynesian. . . And they kind of tell the story of the Book of Mormon in a generic kind of way. It was touching. Man, I miss dancing so bad. Except for when we greet for Sunset by the Mississippi, I dance behind the audience. I get my fun in, no worries. 

Ok, I love you! 

Love, Rachel

And three million years later is was my preparation day.

Family!

It's finally my preparation day! Yes, it was reassigned to Thursday. At one point, I quoted one of the lost boys from Peter Pan to Sister Mills, "I never had a mother. . . ." because that's how it felt. Which brings me to my next point, which is that I was transferred to Carthage! And Sister Mills is my new companion!

I've never served in Carthage before (obviously) and I lovvvveee it!! Instinctively, I was quite sad to leave Nauvoo because it's kind of my place, ya know. But Carthage adds a lot of new elements and it's so wonderful. First of all, we are in an apartment of just four of us. I miss the other sisters but I honestly am a lot more well rested, and sometimes I do like my winding down time. Also, Sister Mills, who was in my district in the MTC, is actually a weirdly perfect fit for me. Like seriously, we are a great team. It's the weirdest thing because in many ways we are so different. Our personalities just aren't the same at all. But we run on the same frequency or something. I don't know. I'm trying to break it down so I can apply it to my future marriage. We both work on the same logic, I think. Oh, it's so hard to say.

Anyways, everyday in Carthage is great. It's seriously the most fulfilling missionary work. The spirit is so strong in the tours and you get to talk to the people before/afterwards. There are many things I miss about Nauvoo, but I think this was a needed break.

Highlights: We gave a tour to a group of three FLDS people (the polygamists). So, I always get a really eerie vibe around them (they've come into Nauvoo a few times) but this was my first one on one time giving a tour and I, personally, actually felt the spirit really strongly because I was trying really hard to see them as children of God, with their own needs and concerns (which I would imagine are many, on account of who would want to share a husband?).

Then later that same day we gave a tour to the most awesome prepared non-member couple and it was the greatest. Sorry, guess you had to be there.

On Sunday, Sister Mills and I were assigned to the Seventies Hall and there's a keyboard in there, which, we discovered, plays beats. So we actually had a real live jam sesh singing our own jazzed up versions of hymns to these beats and it was the time of our life. I also had my own pulpit at which to sing.

We are also trying to figure out things to do in the evening since we can't come into Nauvoo on a regular basis and do call center (it's been renamed by Salt Lake "teaching center"). So Sister Mills and I are trying to contact people and get some service going on because we literally have nothing to do. Yesterday we sang at a rest home. Supes fun.

I LOVE all of the seniors that we serve with in Carthage. It's great here because couples serve together so we get to serve with the senior elders, too. They're a riot.

I know this letter is all sunshine and giggles but what am I supposed to do? It's a good time in Carthage and I'm enjoying the newness of it (what a novelty). I'm turning into one of those sister missionaries. I'll probs want to get transfered back to Nauvoo next transfer (aka my last transfer. . .what the what...) but that's not really in my control and I've learned enough to trust Heavenly Father.

Ok, I love you!

Love, Rachel

Oh yeah, and forget about what happened pre-transfers. I have no idea. It's such a blur.

Living the (meaningful) Life

Hello family! 

We finished the Sociable! It happened! I didn't even realize how much stress it was causing me until it was over. But guess what? It worked out!! I really feel like it did. It was so shaky there (our, the narrator people's parts) for a while. We really were working it out to the last minute. It wasn't until the middle of our dress rehearsal on Saturday night that we fully got it together. But it went smoothly, and I feel good about it. I'll send you the recording of it, when I get it, even though it will be really really embarrassing. 

Transfers are this week. I think I'm changing companions. Mostly because of some things I've heard from the assistants. 

Sister Wood came this weekend (and actually she's still here) and it was so wonderful. I am so so glad. Really, we've had several good talks that I feel were necessary and I love her so much. Blessing from heaven, I was stationed in Pioneer Pastimes that first day she was there and so I was actually able to talk with her a for a long time, where I wouldn't have been able to anywhere else. 

Most of my big and meaningful moments here have largely been with the other sisters, resolving problems and talking through life issues. So it's kind of hard to describe but entirely meaningful. I love being here and I know so clearly that I am meant to be here. 

Ok, now I'm going to try that new thing where I hit the highlights in my journal. It worked ok up until Thursday. Then for several nights in a row I totally had no time. 

Tuesday: 

--Sociable practice. Not going well. Sister Hall, Hansen and I are the main narrator people and we're acting out this skit thing, and we need to get it together. It's not together. I'm trying to avoid panic. I feel weirdly calm. 

--There was this cute group of young families with cute tiny children. We sent them on their lovely way out to the women's garden but I had this feeling I needed to follow them out. But that would be weird and there would be no reason. So after a few minutes of avoiding the prompting I dragged Sister Kupfer out with me to the garden assuming/hoping I would figure out why I had this prompting. Well, I saw the gardening ladies and they were pulling out all the tulips, so I ran to tell the young families that if they wanted they could take some tulips. And they did! And later the mom walked by and said, "Thank you. That made their day." (They were all young girls.) So it was a cool experience of going out on a tiny limb and there being legitimate, clear results. 

Wednesday:

--we had a three hour long training with Melanie Cottam, the big woman on campus in charge of in field operations for all the Visitor's Center and stuff. We (Sister Kupfer and I) gave her a tour yesterday. 

Thursday:

We did service planting flowers and stuff in the women's garden. It was actually a lot of physical exertion and fairly painful. 

And then things happened. Sister Wood came. Sociable practice. Talking through ideas and concerns with sisters. 

I love you all! 

Love, Rachel

International Love 2

Hey Family!

How are you all? Guess I'll find out next week. I'm still suddenly feeling inconvenienced by this being-on-a-mission-limited-communication thing. I've heard people say it's the missionary veil becoming thin. The missionary veil is a real thing, by the way. Sorry if I sometimes come off like I'm living in another world. It's because I am. (Again, the higher sphere.)

I have made a new commitment to myself and to you all, family. I was putting myself in your place, for once. And thinking about how horrible of a communicator I have been. So I made this goal to write in my journal everyday at least to put the highlights, in bullet point form. So I have something concrete to remember about my mission instead of just thoughts and feelings, like I usually do. I'll try and include those in my letters. I started two days ago and ran out of time last night, so this will be for next week. 

Ok, coolest thing ever that happened last Tuesday, aka a million years ago. We were on mormon.org chat and talking to this punk, as per uge. He didn't believe in God and was being punkish about it and all, "I wish I could help you to see," cue eye roll. "I would just give you my number and talk to you so that I could help you see." 

Well, we can actually do that, and I said so.

 "Wait. . . really?" He says. "In a heartbeat," I say. So then he actually gives me his number and I call him up! And he's actually way nice over the phone and much more reasonable and has real, tender, deep feelings (like they always do) and also is from Ireland, so he has an accent. And it was the best!! gah if only all conversations could be as real and open. Our computer phone system here is no good, so it started breaking up and we had to end it, but it was such a great experience. And I got his info and I'm calling him back. 

Also, the punk was in his early 30s so not like creepy old or obnoxiously young. 

Overall it was a good week. It's felt like forever since I emailed, but at the same time, time is flying fast. Mission time is mind blowing. More mind blowing than normal time. 

Last night we had an ice cream social with the YPMs (younger performing missionaries)(Yes, I know this is the best mission ever). It was actually super great. Of course, you can't understand the dynamics between us YSMs (young sister missionaries) and the YPMs, but this ice cream social just made the whole summer a lot better. Unity versus awkward tension, ya know? Also, there are like 4 ypms that I have a connection with in some way or another (like mutual associations). And they all seem great, actually.

Next week is our sociable. The sociable. I already feel a little sick to my stomach about it on account of I have no idea what I'm doing. Really though. Sister Hall, Sister Hansen and I are narrator type people, but we're kind of doing this interwoven skit thing, but we need to figure out a way to do it so it's not awkward and cheesy and we haven't actually done that yet so I'm worried about it. And also, as much as I'm a performer, I'm actually not a performer at all. I'd have to do like 6 shows in a row to get comfortable up there. More of a private performance kind of person. ha

So that's about it, I guess. I love you all.

Love, Rachel

Continually finding higher spheres to live life.

Hello Family! 

A lot has happened since I talked to you last. Not sarcastic. 

Here is the scene, as follows: 

I am sitting on the couch upstairs, talking with Sister Richardson and Sister Hughes. Both dear friends now. I am discussing my visit with my family to S. Hughes because she is interested. And I realize that for the first time on my mission, I am homesick. The past phone calls to you guys have been great, much needed, etc. but then it was back to business. This one though, I just felt like, well why can't I just call these guys all the time? I just want to be able to talk to them all the time. It was sad. I miss you. 

Then the conversation turned to how I haven't shed, to my knowledge, a single tear for my family my entire mission, and is this a problem? And then I discussed all the deeper issues this entails, including my inability to open up to anyone. Anyone. For a long long time. Of course I am an open and honest person but really I only describe my feelings long after they have passed and I can discuss them rationally and they only exist as the remnant of an emotion conveyed through thought. This was a very logical conversation. Sister Hughes was fascinated by my inner workings. She loves me far too much and thinks far too highly of me. But then she asked me the last person who I felt like I really opened up to and I actually lost it, so to speak. 

This is a big deal, guys. I know you can't fully understand, but after months of my true emotions being shut off entirely from the outside world, I was actually able to tell them, in the moment, raw, and be rational and yet irrational at the same time. I could go on in deep philosophical discussion about the expression of one's inner emotions (and how oddly that truly often does come through tears) but I will refrain for the moment. 

Anyways, the reason why I started to cry and was able to open up was because the person was Sister Wood. And I am still just so deeply sad and concerned and, honestly, brokenhearted about the whole thing. That she's not here. That she is in pain. I think it's the first time that I've had this kind of active engagement in another person's life problems. It's the kind of pain that can't quickly be resolved because it involves an entire person and their life. Oh it is so complicated. 

So anyways. I am crying and of course the other sisters are emotional as well because Sister Wood's absence is a giant loss on our part. One of those holes that can't be filled. And we have a good talk about Sister Wood and my emotions and back again. And then Sister Hansen, who is becoming a dear friend, came out of a different room having talked to Sister Gines, and they're both crying, so we say, join the party. And then they ask why I'm crying. I explain the scene. And it turns out they had been talking about that too, and we're all upset about it, and it's not ok. So we're crying and then we decide to say a prayer. So we kneel in a circle, like we do, and Sister Hansen says a prayer. And then Sister Richardson says a prayer. And then Sister Hughes says a prayer. And the whole thing was really one of the most spiritual experiences I've had on my mission. 

It was like an emotional-spiritual-faith filled bond moment where words just can't express it. But I now have a deeper understanding of what life is about, and what Heavenly Father feels. 

I'm sorry if this whole thing is sounding weird or unrelatable. It probably is a you-had-to-be-there kind of thing. 

So what are missions anyway? 

Well, I love you guys. And I miss you. I'm going to go back to putting my whole heart in the work because I'll see you soon anyways. 

Love, Rachel

Sometimes the elect can be people who didn't used to be elect.

Family!!

Guess what I just found out?? Remember Pat? Who's mother died and I spoke at her funeral who was excommunicated (Pat, that is)? SHE'S GETTING BAPTIZED!! Do you know how big that is? Do you remember how Pat started off?? She wouldn't talk about the gospel with her mother's home teachers even though they were good friends. Then we would go to "visit" her completely incapacitated mother and read "her" the Book of Mormon, which Pat accepted but would act all uncomfortable if we actually asked her gospel questions. But after many visits and her mother dying and all, we found a way to talk to her about the gospel in a way she accepted and I guess the first Sunday after I was transfered she went to church and went ever since. And now she's getting baptized (again. . . part of the problem the first time was that she felt pressured into it by the missionaries and her mother who was a convert)! Anyways. HUGE testimony builder of, well, I don't know, everything. People can change. People can recognize truth, even if it takes a while. And really, it's only been a little over 6 months since we started talking with Pat. The Summervilles, who have played a big role, home taught her for like 5 years. And they found her mom out of complete obscurity. Pat didn't even know how the church found her mom because her mom had been inactive before they even moved and they hadn't told anyone about the move at all. Tiny little miracles. Really, it was very tiny tiny things. But suddenly Pat's getting baptized!

This week has been great. We had 54 lessons this week. To put that in perspective, we weren't getting those kinds of numbers--that I'm aware of--until late in June or maybe even July last year. But there are just more people here! And way more people on chat. They just keep coming on. We do like three chats at a time. And maybe it's just the luck of the draw, but a lot of them are simply more curious about Mormonism and a lot less anti. It's really great to see. 

The reason I didn't email yesterday is because we did the trek. It wasn't the same without Sister Streeter there running around barefoot, wearing the pioneer hat her family got for her, but what can you do?

Really, I just appreciate so much about Nauvoo right now. Every tour/lesson we have is spiritual. Every time. Do you know how many times door approaches and street contacts were spirit filled. Pretty much never. Nauvoo is just the best. I think it's the best kind of missionary work under the sun. The nonmembers on chat are super honest. And with the members who are ready to receive us, you can just jump right in. 

Ok, I love you guys. I'll talk to you on Sunday. 

Love, Rachel